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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

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(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

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(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

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(SPEAKING IN GERMAN)

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NARRATOR: We will begin in
ten seconds.

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Please adjust your universal
translator to the language
of your understanding.

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We will begin in five seconds.

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Please adjust your universal
translator to the language
of your understanding.

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We will begin in zero seconds.

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Of all the creatures
in the universe,

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none possess the mating ritual
as complex, as perverse,

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as tragically beautiful

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as the Earthbound Human.

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More passionate than the
Orktamus of Centali Five,

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more neurotic than the
Sleekanda of Sleewa,

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it is a wonder that these
furry creatures have not gone
extinct millennia ago.

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But in spite of
their self-inflicted paradox,

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their numbers grow
at a rapid pace,

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over-consuming
their tiny planet.

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For it is from these creatures
that we have acquired
the universal expression,

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"Fuck like people."

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(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

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NARRATOR: The young male
begins his sojourn along with
others of his pack.

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Their bellies are full from
a hearty meal of plant and
roasted animal flesh.

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The male hides his nervousness
from the rest of the pack.

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He has tried this a great many
times before,

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with limited success.

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His cerebral cortex
pounds with anxiety,

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00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,891
his loins with
hyper-active semen.

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The male gives the
Great Warrior sheaths of thin
green tree bark,

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hoping that the color will
satisfy the Great Warrior

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and he will allow the male
to enter.

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The Great Warrior is pleased.

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He places a symbol of ink on
the male's hand

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proof to the world that
the male is ready to mate.

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His new surroundings are
pleasing to him, familiar.

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He has been to sacred meeting
grounds such as this before.

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He makes his way to the long,
elevated surface

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where he will consume small
amounts of fermented grain,

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in the hopes that it will make
him more appealing to a
potential mate.

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In fact, it has the
opposite effect.

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The fermented grain makes all
females more appealing to him.

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Well, almost all.

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This one, he feels, lacks the
correct genetic stock
for motherhood.

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This one would make
a better father than mother.

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The male would be redundant.

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(MUSIC CONTINUES)

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NARRATOR: This one is clearly
reserved for wealthy
tribal chieftains.

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To prepare for mating,
she sways her hips

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and flings her behind in an
attempt to dislodge her
egg from her uterus.

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The male exhales sadly.

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He knows his place
in the pack.

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The female feels the
mate's gaze upon her

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and marks him as a potential
father of her future cubs.

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Her ovulation complete,

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the female ceases her
gyrations and returns
to her pack.

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It is the male's opportunity.

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Like all creatures
of the universe,

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the male and female begin
by examining each other.

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-(DOGS SNIFFLING)
-(PEACOCKS SCREAMING)

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NARRATOR: Tentatively,

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carefully,

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not willing to reveal too much

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or commit too far.

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The female bares
her teeth to show she wants to
mate with him.

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The male mimics this gesture

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to show that he, too, would
like to mate right now.

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Encouraged, the male attempts
the next step.

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It is a long walk for him.

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He must make the
perfect greeting if he
wishes to be fruitful.

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If you're not a professional
dancer, you should be.

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What?

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If you're not a professional
dancer, you should be.

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What?

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I think you're a great dancer.

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What?

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NARRATOR: But his introduction
was flawed.

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There will be no fruit for the
male this evening.

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The female, for her part, uses
her time in the sacred
meeting ground

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fending off the advances of
all but the right male.

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Yeah, I know.

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NARRATOR: This one lacks
intellect.

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Bye.

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NARRATOR: This one lacks a
warrior's spirit.

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He would be devoured on the
first hunt, she feels,

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leaving her to raise her
cubs by herself.

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This one just smells funny.

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But like the childhood story
of Goldilocks and the three...

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-Hey. Excuse me.
-NARRATOR: This one is
just right.

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Remember me?

94
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,278
Look, I'm sorry.

95
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I just wanted to say that
you're a good dancer.

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I wasn't being crude.

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I'm just a bad mime.

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A guy apologizing.

99
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Now, that's the way
to start a relationship.

100
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,025
-Jenny Smith.
-Hi.

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00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,760
The male and female
rub their paws together.

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The female studies the male

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as he, in turn, studies her.

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-Chanel.
-Shampoo.

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(CHUCKLING) Um, okay.
Well it's nice. It suits you.

106
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-Brut.
-Chanel.

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(LAUGHING)

108
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,083
Do you often wear
women's perfume?

109
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:33,253
Yeah, yeah. It's my way of
showing I understand women.

110
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You know, I'm going for
that sensitive eighties
guy kind of thing.

111
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-Does it work?
-No.

112
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No, not since the eighties,
but, oh, man, in kindergarten,

113
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I was hot stuff.

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NARRATOR: The female exhales
rapidly to show that
her lungs are strong

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and that she
can bear many children.

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The male exhales
rapidly as well,

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to show that he has endurance
and can impregnate her many
times over.

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She lets him know that
she is pleased,

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for that is what she is
looking for in a mate.

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He is pleased because all his
blood has rushed to his loins

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and he doesn't know
any better.

122
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,218
Look, I want to keep
talking to you,

123
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but I was on my
way to use the facilities.

124
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:12,693
All right. Have a nice life.

125
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,095
Wait. Hold it. I'm just going
to the bathroom.

126
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,497
Yeah, right. Like I haven't
used that
one a gazillion times.

127
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Come on. You think that I'm
blowing you off? Are you nuts?

128
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That's a really nice way of
putting it, but still...

129
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Okay. I tell you what.
I'll hold it in.

130
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-Really?
-Yeah.

131
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That's so sweet.

132
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,118
(CHUCKLING)

133
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,954
Um, you're screwing
with me, right?

134
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,489
-Yeah.
-Okay.

135
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,060
NARRATOR: The female is
pleased.

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00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:50,664
The young male has great
potential for
fatherhood, she feels.

137
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He'll provide well
for her cubs,

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and stick around long after
she is fat and bloated.

139
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She consumes fermented grain
to celebrate her good fortune.

140
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,012
See? I came back.

141
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,647
Groovy. Let's dance.

142
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,817
I don't know if that's such a
good idea.

143
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,218
You don't dance?

144
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,754
No, I do, but like
a white guy.

145
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:16,256
I don't know if you're
impressed
enough with me yet.

146
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,592
Risk it.

147
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:26,499
Okay. Just remember.
I would've held it in for you.

148
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,501
(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

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00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:34,207
NARRATOR: And so the male and
female see their way through

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00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,777
the intricate dance of
the mating ritual.

151
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:39,179
Both sides must play
their roles perfectly,

152
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confronting an infinite
barrage of obstacles,

153
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necessitating the involvement
of countless other humans

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in order for the
species to reproduce.

155
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,457
We don't know if
they will succeed.

156
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,526
And if they don't we will film
another couple who does.

157
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(CHUCKLING)

158
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,499
You want to get some coffee?

159
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:00,834
No, I've got to get up really
early tomorrow.

160
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,535
-(MAN GRUNTING)
-I'm sorry maybe we could...

161
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,972
-Jenny!
-There you are. We've been
looking for you.

162
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:08,041
Guys, this is Billy. Billy,
these are my
two best friends,

163
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,377
-Lydia and Lana.
-Hi.

164
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,379
Hi. Lydia, hi. Lana, right?

165
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,814
-It's the other way around.
-(ALL LAUGHING)

166
00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:15,315
-I'm sorry. I meant it the
other way around.
-Yeah.

167
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:18,218
NARRATOR: The female shows
the male to her pack.

168
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,721
But the male is not interested
in the female's pack.

169
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:24,424
He wants to
be with the female alone.

170
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,827
There is still something he
must get from her.

171
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:30,130
Something without
which the mating ritual will
come to an end.

172
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,565
Panic sets in.

173
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,968
It is difficult
to achieve with
the female's pack present,

174
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but he must ask for it
in order for the species
to go on.

175
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,207
Can I get your number?

176
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,542
I was wondering when you
were going to ask.

177
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,878
-He's cute.
-Yeah he is cute.

178
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:47,981
-Shut up. Turn around.
-Oh.

179
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:52,419
NARRATOR: The female scratches
numerical symbols onto a thin
white sheath of tree bark,

180
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,354
hoping the design will
please the male.

181
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,390
-Here.
-Great.

182
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,927
NARRATOR: The male is pleased
by the design.

183
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,830
To him, it is the prettiest of
all pictures.

184
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,165
I'll call you in a...

185
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,901
-In a while.
-In a while. Great.

186
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,336
I'll call you in a while.

187
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,704
In a while.

188
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,606
(CHUCKLING)

189
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,075
I tell you what.

190
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,978
-Bye. Bye.
-Bye. Nice meeting you.

191
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,781
-Bye.
-Yeah, you, too. So long.

192
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:23,550
NARRATOR: The male is happy
with his new mate.

193
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:26,987
It has been a good night
at the sacred meeting ground.

194
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,893
The Humans of this hemisphere
of the planet

195
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,363
spend most of their time at
play in tall, steel huts of
their own making.

196
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,036
The male busies himself with
numerical symbols

197
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,005
and electronically
enhanced intelligence

198
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:49,109
to create a picture
pleasing to those superior to
him in the pack.

199
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,745
This game he calls accounting.

200
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:59,419
He plays with a toy named
after one of the small rodents
of his planet.

201
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:02,155
He presses his fingers against
the rodent's buttocks,

202
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,793
and gently taps
upon its cheeks.

203
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,896
Still, he prefers the female
of his own species.

204
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,236
The male is not pleased
with his picture.

205
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,275
He finds the female's
picture much prettier.

206
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,947
He wants to know
how she can make
such a pretty picture.

207
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:32,052
Hi. This is Bill Waterson.

208
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,587
Ah, yes, Mr. Greenway.

209
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:37,424
Oh, well, we'd love to
help you, but,

210
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,260
gosh, tell you what,
we're really,
we're booked solid.

211
00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:43,496
Let me see
if there's any openings here.

212
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:46,499
Boy, we're just
we're just swamped here.

213
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:52,005
Oh. Here's a
cancellation at...

214
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,207
How's Thursday at three?

215
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,144
Or, or, or now?

216
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,812
Yeah. We could do now.

217
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:01,381
Now is fine. Yeah. Great.
We'll see you.

218
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,052
-We got a client?
-BILLY: Looks that way.

219
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,787
-Torrance referred us.
-Torrance is a deadbeat.

220
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,389
Yeah, but he's our deadbeat.

221
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,691
We only got three
clients. I think we
ought to embrace him.

222
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:12,759
All right.

223
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,496
-What are you doing?
-Nothing.

224
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,735
-You were going to call her,
weren't you?
-No.

225
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,905
-Tell the truth.
-Okay.

226
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:28,475
You're developing a serious
body odor problem, but I don't
think that's relevant.

227
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,343
(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)

228
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,778
You just met her last night.

229
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,246
If you call her now,
you'll scare her off.

230
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,615
Come on, man.
I don't play those games.

231
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:38,351
Don't do it, man.
She'll think you
want her.

232
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:39,953
-I do want her.
-I know.

233
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,822
But if she thinks that,
she'll find somebody else.

234
00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:45,392
Someone who doesn't want her?

235
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,759
Someone cool.

236
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,561
-But I'm not cool.
-Exactly.

237
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,864
That's why you got to wait a
few days before you call her.

238
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:54,501
And when you do ask her out,
act like you're doing her a
favor, you know?

239
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,603
Like you don't give a damn if
she says yes or no

240
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,272
because you got
all these other
chickadees waiting for you.

241
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,208
And that will impress her?

242
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:04,111
Right into the sack.

243
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,413
NARRATOR: Please do not adjust
your universal translator.

244
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,815
We are not experiencing
technical difficulties.

245
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,283
This is a Human thing.

246
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,519
It makes no
sense to us, either.

247
00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:17,324
Heed my words, grasshopper.

248
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,192
Be patient, be a champion.

249
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,029
You know, Jimmy,
it occurs to me that

250
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:25,732
I haven't seen you with
a woman
in about three years.

251
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:29,102
Right. That's because I always
phone them
the very next morning.

252
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,104
Oh.

253
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,516
(CAWING)

254
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,318
NARRATOR: The great hunting
and gathering ground.

255
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,890
Check this out.

256
00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:54,327
NARRATOR: The female finds
an animal skin
to shelter her from the cold.

257
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,363
-Way too obvious.
-(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

258
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:59,832
NARRATOR: The pack feels it
will not keep her warm enough
in the harsh winters.

259
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:05,338
The female's task in
this initial part
of the mating dance

260
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,108
is to wait
for the male to contact her.

261
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:12,345
This causes some anxiety but
she is confident
in the wisdom of nature.

262
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,880
What do you see
in him, anyway?

263
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:16,016
He seems like a nice guy.

264
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:19,319
He's an accountant,
for God's sake. I mean,
yeah, he's kind of cute,

265
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:22,822
but what are you going to
do with an accountant?

266
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:26,593
I think you should
call Mike and
beg him to take you back.

267
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,228
Yeah, Mike was gorgeous.

268
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,964
There's sure no denying that.

269
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,866
And before him, remember Ed?

270
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,868
No one was cooler
than Ed.

271
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,307
I don't need cool.

272
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,909
And Robert was like the
smartest guy I ever met.

273
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,645
But he'd humiliate me
every chance he got.

274
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,380
There's got to be better.

275
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,782
I think it's time
for a nice guy.

276
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,992
NARRATOR:
The male's sleeping hut.

277
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:03,163
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck.

278
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,232
The male is now ready to mate.

279
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:09,836
Fuck! How could
I lose her number?

280
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:13,340
Look on the bright side, man.
I mean, if she was that fine,

281
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,208
she probably gave you
a bogus number, anyway.

282
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,578
I'll help you find it.

283
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,947
The need for the
female is harsh.

284
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,450
The male's body
tenses with anxiety.

285
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,918
A bodily liquid called sweat

286
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,687
is transferred through
his pores.

287
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:31,791
A foam called saliva dribbles
out of his mouth.

288
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:35,395
This condition will
not pass until he has mated
with his female.

289
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:37,864
The best looking girl that
ever talked to me,
and I lose her number.

290
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,532
I blew it. I'm an asshole.

291
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,501
All right. Wait. Let's just
retrace your steps.

292
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,203
Where's the last place
you saw it?

293
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,473
-At work.
-Right?

294
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,707
I was going to call her,
then you talked
me out of it.

295
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,509
I put it in my pocket.

296
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,344
-Did you check your suit?
-It couldn't be in my suit.

297
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,012
My suit's been
in the dry cleaners
this whole time.

298
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,382
I just picked it up
this... Oh, shit.

299
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,953
NARRATOR: The male searches
through his animal skins.

300
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,324
Perhaps the female is inside.

301
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:11,298
Blinded by his
need to procreate,

302
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:14,467
the male shows
some lint to the other member
of the pack.

303
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,037
Is this the female I seek,
he asks.

304
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:22,809
Yup, you're an asshole.

305
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,112
NARRATOR: No, it is not,
responds the other.

306
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:32,051
The male finds solace in a
bound collection of sheathes
of white tree bark.

307
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,589
Perhaps he will find
the female inside.

308
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:40,026
So you're going
to call every J. Smith
in the entire phone book?

309
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,894
It's only like four,
five pages.

310
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:45,665
Face it,
Billy. You lost her.

311
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,868
The male will not forgo
the mating ritual.

312
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,703
The species must prevail.

313
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,939
It will be very difficult
for him,

314
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,308
but he will not give up.

315
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,745
For the Human male is among
the horniest of creatures
in the known universe.

316
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,613
Hi. May I speak with
Jenny Smith?

317
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,582
There's no Jenny Smith here.

318
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,317
Is this J. Smith?

319
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:05,685
This is John Smith.

320
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,255
Oh. Never mind.

321
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,792
Yeah, this might take a while.

322
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:17,397
NARRATOR: The male uses a
rudimentary communication
device to seek his mate.

323
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:20,066
Have you seen
my female, he asks everyone.

324
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:23,336
She is mine.
You cannot have her.

325
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,605
Hi. May I speak
with Jenny Smith.

326
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,540
Yes. This is Jenny.

327
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,678
Oh. Jenny. Great. Okay.
Did you meet a guy named Billy
at Shay's the other night?

328
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:36,283
About five-ten, brown hair,
nice smile.

329
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,785
Do you like leather or jeans?

330
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,420
What?

331
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,156
I'd love to meet you.
Come on by.

332
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,657
Maybe another time.

333
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,462
Maybe another time.

334
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,564
Hello. Is this Jenny Smith?

335
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,200
Yes, this is Jenny Smith.

336
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:57,670
Hi. Are you about five-five,
a hundred and ten pounds,

337
00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:01,474
brown hair, really nice boobs.

338
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,709
Hello?

339
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,877
Hello. Is Jenny Smith
home, please.

340
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,380
I didn't think so.

341
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,053
Ring.

342
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:19,426
Ring now. Okay,
in five seconds.

343
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,662
Four, three, two, one, ring!

344
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,365
Okay, that was zero.

345
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:26,733
Ring now!

346
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,370
Ring!

347
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,275
NARRATOR: The female in heat.

348
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,777
This is ridiculous.
It's ridiculous. I mean...
(SIGHING)

349
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,146
Why did you even
take my number if you're not
going to call me?

350
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,421
It's because I didn't
put out, isn't it?

351
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:51,758
You saw me dance,
I was looking
kind of hot.

352
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:55,127
You just figured me
for a quick, easy lay.

353
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,230
Well, I've
got news for you, mister.

354
00:19:57,297 --> 00:20:00,767
If you just want some cheap
slut, you've come to
the wrong gal!

355
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,737
Ring!

356
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,209
I'm such a loser.

357
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:12,879
If he was going to call,
he would've called by now.

358
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,914
Come with us.

359
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,949
I just want to give him a
little bit longer.

360
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,918
Jen, it's been like
five days already.

361
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,887
He's just playing it cool.

362
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,756
Cool? The man is a
fucking accountant.

363
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,493
Could you show a
little sensitivity?
She liked the guy.

364
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,361
I just called him
a fucking accountant.

365
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,430
I didn't say he wasn't cute.

366
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,399
He is cute, isn't he?

367
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:35,935
Yeah, he was. I'm sorry, Jen.

368
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,440
NARRATOR: The female wonders

369
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:44,076
how the others in the pack
have so forgotten the
mating ritual.

370
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:46,846
Perhaps they have never felt
the thrill of mating,

371
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:51,050
and have not awoken these
maternal instincts
within themselves.

372
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,553
I'm just going to give him a
little bit more time.

373
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:57,023
Okay. But if you change your
mind, we'll be at the Dresden,
okay?

374
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,691
So meet us there.

375
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,360
-Okay.
-Good luck.

376
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:12,038
NARRATOR: The female grows
anxious.

377
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,274
The male has
not shown himself,

378
00:21:15,342 --> 00:21:16,909
nor does it appear he will.

379
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:21,448
The female is ready to find a
new candidate for mating.

380
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:23,383
Hey, guys, wait up!

381
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:33,693
(PHONE RINGING)

382
00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:41,200
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hi, this is Lana.

383
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:43,403
Jenny and I
aren't here right now, so
leave a message at the beep

384
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:44,937
and we'll get back to you.

385
00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:47,239
If this is a guy.

386
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:51,511
Jenny may be cuter,
but I put out.
(CHUCKLING)

387
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,181
(BEEPING)

388
00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:57,083
BILLY: Hi. I'm calling for
Jenny Smith.

389
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:59,352
This is Billy,
we met at Cachet
a few nights ago.

390
00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:00,920
You threw your drink
at me, and I gave you...

391
00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:03,289
NARRATOR: The male calls out
for the female,

392
00:22:03,356 --> 00:22:05,792
searching the ether
for his true mate,

393
00:22:05,858 --> 00:22:08,828
but she doesn't
answer his cry.

394
00:22:08,895 --> 00:22:11,764
All seems lost for
the species.

395
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:15,468
BILLY: I took my jacket to the
cleaners and it got shredded.

396
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:19,038
So anyway, I've gone through
the whole LA phone book

397
00:22:19,105 --> 00:22:21,774
trying to find you, and,
well, okay,
not all of LA,

398
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:24,276
just 213
and most of 310...

399
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:28,314
And, God, I hope you don't
live in the Valley. I mean,
nothing against the Valley,

400
00:22:28,381 --> 00:22:30,182
but I don't think I've got the
strength for 818.

401
00:22:30,249 --> 00:22:35,287
So, if this is
you, give me a
call at 555-7754.

402
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:37,289
I'd love to have dinner with
you or something.

403
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:38,791
If it's not you,

404
00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:41,761
leave me alone.

405
00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:44,797
Is Jenny Smith there?

406
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:46,198
Hi. Is this Jenny Smith?

407
00:22:46,265 --> 00:22:48,735
I met a girl at a club
the other night.
Thank you.

408
00:22:55,442 --> 00:22:57,544
NARRATOR: It was a dreary day
for the male.

409
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,490
He listens to water
beating against
a ceramic wall.

410
00:23:10,557 --> 00:23:14,160
It is a soothing sound for
him, with a calming effect.

411
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:16,929
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hi, it's Jenny.
I got your message.

412
00:23:16,996 --> 00:23:19,499
I knew you'd call,
I told everyone you'd call.

413
00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:21,701
Yes!

414
00:23:21,768 --> 00:23:24,203
I can't believe you actually
went through two whole area
codes just to find me.

415
00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:29,576
I'm really, really flattered,
or very, very afraid.
(CHUCKLING)

416
00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:32,044
Anyway, I'd love to have
dinner with you.

417
00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:34,180
So now you have
my number,
you'd better use it.

418
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:36,048
No, no, wait.
That was a random shot.

419
00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:37,950
-I'll be waiting by the phone.
-Look, leave it!

420
00:23:38,017 --> 00:23:41,387
Leave it! Leave it, leave it,
leave it. Leave it.
Please leave it.

421
00:23:41,454 --> 00:23:42,589
(DIAL TONE BEEPS)

422
00:23:42,655 --> 00:23:44,390
(GRUNTING)

423
00:23:44,457 --> 00:23:47,193
NARRATOR: The male weeps
as the female's mating
cry comes to an end.

424
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:49,462
(BEEPING)

425
00:23:49,529 --> 00:23:51,698
Billy, this is your mother.
I haven't heard from you
in almost a week.

426
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:54,667
I'm wondering if you're
living or dead. Call
me either way.

427
00:23:54,734 --> 00:23:56,969
-(BEEPING)
-Hi, it's Jenny again.

428
00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:59,772
On the off-chance you didn't
keep track of
which number was mine,

429
00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:02,809
I know no one can be
that dumb, but just in case,

430
00:24:02,875 --> 00:24:07,880
it's 310-555-0181. Now use it.

431
00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:10,216
NARRATOR: But it is the second
of the female's mating cries

432
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:14,654
that causes the male to go
rabid. Mating is imminent, and
he knows it.

433
00:24:17,156 --> 00:24:21,227
The Female prepares carefully
for her next
encounter with the Male.

434
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:24,497
She paints her
face with berries and
chemically processed colors,

435
00:24:24,564 --> 00:24:26,465
hiding from the Male
her natural state,

436
00:24:26,533 --> 00:24:30,503
which she hopes to show him at
a later time.

437
00:24:30,570 --> 00:24:35,307
She uses chemically altered
forms of vegetation to cover
parts of her body.

438
00:24:35,374 --> 00:24:37,810
Then other forms of
vegetation over those.

439
00:24:37,877 --> 00:24:41,013
She leaves much of
her body uncovered,

440
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,616
but is careful to cover the
first layer of vegetation.

441
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:48,454
She puts the excretions of
small, sea-dwelling

442
00:24:48,521 --> 00:24:51,558
creatures through holes in
the lobes of
her hearing organs,

443
00:24:51,624 --> 00:24:55,562
which she had mutilated
long ago as a symbol of her
entry into womanhood.

444
00:24:57,930 --> 00:24:59,632
She pulls a bone
out of her skull.

445
00:25:02,569 --> 00:25:03,836
She is ready.

446
00:25:07,907 --> 00:25:10,743
The male has a much
more arduous task.

447
00:25:10,810 --> 00:25:13,012
He must appear
strong to the female.

448
00:25:13,079 --> 00:25:15,982
So strong that he doesn't
care how he appears.

449
00:25:16,048 --> 00:25:18,184
It is this appearance
he must strive for.

450
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,254
He uses a hydrogen
and oxygen mixture

451
00:25:22,321 --> 00:25:26,092
with some animal fat to remove
the planet's nourishment
from his body.

452
00:25:28,695 --> 00:25:31,330
He debates
over removing the fur
from his face

453
00:25:31,397 --> 00:25:33,866
with an artificial
tooth of steel.

454
00:25:33,933 --> 00:25:37,169
He ponders this for a long
time before
deciding to keep the fur as a

455
00:25:37,236 --> 00:25:39,138
display of his masculinity.

456
00:25:40,306 --> 00:25:42,575
Then he changes
his mind again.

457
00:25:43,710 --> 00:25:45,878
Meticulously he
combs his hair,

458
00:25:45,945 --> 00:25:48,247
making certain that it
appears uncombed.

459
00:25:52,451 --> 00:25:55,855
He covers his body
with the same
vegetation as the female.

460
00:25:55,922 --> 00:25:59,091
Then his upper torso with
the hair of one creature.

461
00:25:59,158 --> 00:26:01,761
And that with the
hide of another.

462
00:26:02,962 --> 00:26:04,964
Now he is ready.

463
00:26:05,031 --> 00:26:06,733
I shouldn't have shaved.

464
00:26:13,039 --> 00:26:15,942
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

465
00:26:16,008 --> 00:26:20,312
NARRATOR: The male and the
female feed on a meal of dead
earth creature and vegetation.

466
00:26:22,248 --> 00:26:24,316
Both herbivore and carnivore,

467
00:26:24,383 --> 00:26:28,320
the Human is one of the few
animals in the Universe that
will eat just about anything.

468
00:26:34,794 --> 00:26:36,729
(BOTH LAUGHING)

469
00:26:36,796 --> 00:26:40,499
I mean, come on, come on, now.
"In computers"
could mean anything.

470
00:26:40,566 --> 00:26:42,902
It doesn't matter.

471
00:26:42,969 --> 00:26:44,704
All right. If you won't tell
me what you do,

472
00:26:44,771 --> 00:26:47,339
will you at least
tell me why you won't tell me.

473
00:26:47,406 --> 00:26:51,010
You know, because guys find
it a turn-off when girls
babble on about themselves

474
00:26:51,077 --> 00:26:53,680
on the first date.

475
00:26:53,746 --> 00:26:55,514
Tell me about your
accounting firm.

476
00:26:55,581 --> 00:26:56,949
Oh, I can't.

477
00:26:57,016 --> 00:26:58,417
Government work kind of stuff?

478
00:27:01,153 --> 00:27:04,490
Girls find it a turn-off when
guys babble on about
themselves on the first date.

479
00:27:04,556 --> 00:27:05,624
(CHUCKLING)

480
00:27:05,692 --> 00:27:07,259
We definitely have a problem.

481
00:27:07,326 --> 00:27:09,696
Rules are rules. I mean, when
you think about it,

482
00:27:09,762 --> 00:27:11,764
it's amazing when people
actually get together.

483
00:27:11,831 --> 00:27:13,733
Is that really one
of the guys' rules?

484
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,535
Well, not so much a rule as
a guideline.

485
00:27:16,602 --> 00:27:19,238
Good. Because you're the first
guy I ever met who follows it.

486
00:27:22,608 --> 00:27:24,410
BILLY: I like coming up here.

487
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:28,614
Even on a drab, smoggy night.

488
00:27:28,681 --> 00:27:32,118
It's nice. It's real quiet,
you know.
It's peaceful.

489
00:27:33,285 --> 00:27:35,722
Yeah. It's a beautiful
night tonight.

490
00:27:36,622 --> 00:27:37,924
I guess we got lucky.

491
00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:41,493
I guess we did.

492
00:27:42,628 --> 00:27:44,030
Yeah, I guess we did.

493
00:27:49,902 --> 00:27:53,239
NARRATOR: The male and female
open their souls to
each other,

494
00:27:53,305 --> 00:27:59,278
sharing their pain and
sadnesses, each lessening the
burden on their partner.

495
00:27:59,345 --> 00:28:04,183
Many experts cite this as the
most beautiful part of the
human mating ritual.

496
00:28:05,451 --> 00:28:08,187
Other than the copulation.

497
00:28:08,254 --> 00:28:10,757
My little brother was
born blind.

498
00:28:10,823 --> 00:28:14,460
So when I first got
into computers,

499
00:28:14,526 --> 00:28:17,363
he'd come hang out with me and
ask me questions about it.

500
00:28:18,230 --> 00:28:19,999
He was so into it.

501
00:28:21,667 --> 00:28:23,302
It made me want to cry.

502
00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:29,341
So where I work now,
we're trying to create this

503
00:28:29,408 --> 00:28:32,278
special monitor
for blind people.

504
00:28:32,344 --> 00:28:35,114
But, I mean,
we're years away
from getting it.

505
00:28:36,983 --> 00:28:38,417
If it's even possible.

506
00:28:41,821 --> 00:28:43,322
You'll get it.

507
00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:58,037
I worked my butt off to get
through school.

508
00:28:58,938 --> 00:29:01,307
I held every shitty
job there was.

509
00:29:01,373 --> 00:29:04,777
But I knew, you know,
if you're not a professional,
then you're nothing.

510
00:29:05,778 --> 00:29:07,479
So, uh...

511
00:29:07,546 --> 00:29:11,250
There I was, making a decent
living at a big firm, but...

512
00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:16,155
I was still getting pushed
around by assholes.

513
00:29:17,890 --> 00:29:22,128
So one day, about seven,
eight months ago,

514
00:29:22,194 --> 00:29:25,264
my friend Jimmy and I
decided to start our own firm.

515
00:29:25,331 --> 00:29:29,836
We pooled everything we had,
we moved in together
to save on rent,

516
00:29:29,902 --> 00:29:33,472
got a fancy-schmancy
office in Century City,

517
00:29:33,539 --> 00:29:36,008
and Waterson-Conners
was born.

518
00:29:36,075 --> 00:29:38,044
-That took a lot of guts.
-(CHUCKLING)

519
00:29:39,011 --> 00:29:40,880
It's horrible.

520
00:29:40,947 --> 00:29:43,916
If we don't get any
more clients soon, we're going
to have to go crawling back.

521
00:29:46,218 --> 00:29:47,887
Well, that'll take a
lot of guts, too.

522
00:29:53,325 --> 00:29:54,426
Whoa.

523
00:29:56,963 --> 00:29:58,831
So, what are
your parents like?

524
00:29:58,898 --> 00:30:00,299
My parents?

525
00:30:01,067 --> 00:30:02,468
Oh, they're great.

526
00:30:02,534 --> 00:30:04,236
That's one place where
I got real lucky.

527
00:30:04,303 --> 00:30:07,874
You know, typical
Leave It to Beaver
kind of deal.

528
00:30:07,940 --> 00:30:10,209
Just thinking about them
makes me happy.

529
00:30:10,276 --> 00:30:12,945
(BOY HUMMING)

530
00:30:13,012 --> 00:30:14,746
What the hell are you
doing inside?

531
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:16,515
It's a beautiful day.

532
00:30:16,582 --> 00:30:18,317
BILLY: My father was a
soft-spoken man.

533
00:30:18,384 --> 00:30:21,888
And look at this room.
It's spotless!

534
00:30:21,954 --> 00:30:24,156
What kind of kid
are you, anyway?

535
00:30:24,223 --> 00:30:26,092
BILLY: But he always had
a kind word for me.

536
00:30:26,158 --> 00:30:29,028
Be a kid, goddammit!
Have some fun!

537
00:30:29,095 --> 00:30:30,897
BILLY: Always urging me
to enjoy life.

538
00:30:34,266 --> 00:30:36,568
Like that!

539
00:30:36,635 --> 00:30:39,571
BILLY: And he taught me the
things that he knew most
about, real man's stuff.

540
00:30:39,638 --> 00:30:41,807
But still, he was never afraid
to get a little mushy.

541
00:30:44,076 --> 00:30:45,844
And I love you.

542
00:30:49,882 --> 00:30:52,284
-BILLY: It was a magical time
for me.
-(BOY HUMMING)

543
00:30:54,053 --> 00:30:57,589
BILLY: Any my mother, mom was
the queen of style
and fashion.

544
00:30:57,656 --> 00:30:59,125
Was your father in here?

545
00:31:01,093 --> 00:31:03,695
Oh, don't worry about it.

546
00:31:03,762 --> 00:31:07,266
BILLY: But she always had that
mother smell, you know?

547
00:31:07,333 --> 00:31:10,869
Chicken soup and floor wax.

548
00:31:10,937 --> 00:31:14,840
You're Mama's good little boy.

549
00:31:15,674 --> 00:31:17,143
Mommy loves you.

550
00:31:17,743 --> 00:31:19,245
Yes, she does.

551
00:31:20,079 --> 00:31:21,313
Mama loves you.

552
00:31:22,848 --> 00:31:25,351
Loves you. Loves you.

553
00:31:26,986 --> 00:31:29,455
Loves loves you.

554
00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:31,390
Dad!

555
00:31:31,457 --> 00:31:35,727
Yeah. I was real lucky.

556
00:31:35,794 --> 00:31:40,332
NARRATOR: The male's task is
to determine if
the female is ready.

557
00:31:40,399 --> 00:31:44,570
Moving too soon
or too late may
result in disaster.

558
00:31:44,636 --> 00:31:47,773
But the human female emits no
odor to let him know.

559
00:31:51,043 --> 00:31:52,411
What?

560
00:31:52,478 --> 00:31:54,213
Oh, um...

561
00:31:55,547 --> 00:31:57,083
What were your parents like?

562
00:31:58,150 --> 00:31:59,418
They're great.

563
00:32:00,586 --> 00:32:02,354
NARRATOR: The female is ready.

564
00:32:02,421 --> 00:32:05,824
But she must wait
for the male
to figure this out on his own.

565
00:32:05,891 --> 00:32:07,926
She can emit no odor
to help him.

566
00:32:07,994 --> 00:32:10,396
In fact, to do so would
be disastrous.

567
00:32:17,936 --> 00:32:20,806
They move toward
each other, slowly,

568
00:32:21,540 --> 00:32:22,674
cautiously,

569
00:32:26,212 --> 00:32:29,681
the future of their
species dependent on the
next few seconds.

570
00:32:34,286 --> 00:32:35,287
(GRUNTING)

571
00:32:36,155 --> 00:32:38,057
(LAUGHING)

572
00:32:38,124 --> 00:32:40,226
NARRATOR: The male wonders
how he can make her
think he did this on purpose.

573
00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:42,694
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.

574
00:32:42,761 --> 00:32:45,831
Is it too late to point
out how romantic the stars
look at night?

575
00:32:46,565 --> 00:32:47,599
(CHUCKLING)

576
00:32:47,666 --> 00:32:48,734
NARRATOR: But he fails.

577
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,969
Come on. I'll race you
to the water fountain.

578
00:32:51,037 --> 00:32:52,038
Oh, man!

579
00:32:55,541 --> 00:32:58,544
NARRATOR: Like so many
creatures on so many planets,

580
00:32:58,610 --> 00:33:01,980
nothing gives more pleasure
than a simple run through the
darkened vegetation

581
00:33:02,048 --> 00:33:05,517
of one's habitat toward a pure
crystal spring.

582
00:33:05,584 --> 00:33:07,619
-(LAUGHING) Beat you.
-Oh, would you?

583
00:33:18,930 --> 00:33:22,268
NARRATOR: They move toward
each other
and they brush lips.

584
00:33:24,470 --> 00:33:26,105
Ready for procreation,

585
00:33:26,172 --> 00:33:29,408
the male slips his tongue
into the female's mouth.

586
00:33:33,279 --> 00:33:36,615
But her egg is not in her
mouth, he discovers.

587
00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:40,619
Even if it were,
his semen is not
in his tongue.

588
00:33:40,686 --> 00:33:45,057
The human reproductive organs
are in the pelvic region.

589
00:33:45,124 --> 00:33:47,726
Just like a human male,
not to stop and
ask for directions.

590
00:33:50,929 --> 00:33:55,000
Over many encounters, spanning
an entire lunar revolution,

591
00:33:55,067 --> 00:33:58,804
the male and female feed on
more dead animals and
vegetation together.

592
00:34:06,645 --> 00:34:08,147
(MUSIC PLAYING)

593
00:34:08,214 --> 00:34:10,516
NARRATOR: They return to the
sacred meeting ground

594
00:34:10,582 --> 00:34:14,220
and experience together the
metallic vibrations
of their first meeting.

595
00:34:25,597 --> 00:34:28,867
They ride mechanical
beasts that
invoke nausea and fear.

596
00:34:33,505 --> 00:34:36,575
They watch their sun
disappear in the horizon,

597
00:34:36,642 --> 00:34:39,478
hopeful that it will return
and not go super-nova,

598
00:34:39,545 --> 00:34:41,580
causing an instant suffocation
and death.

599
00:34:46,518 --> 00:34:49,288
They watch moving shadows
in dark caves together.

600
00:34:54,126 --> 00:34:56,462
(SOBBING)

601
00:35:13,345 --> 00:35:17,483
NARRATOR: Human females enjoy
stories about one person
dying slowly.

602
00:35:19,451 --> 00:35:22,554
The males prefer stories of
many people dying quickly.

603
00:35:22,621 --> 00:35:25,123
-(GUNSHOTS)
-(SCREAMING)

604
00:35:35,934 --> 00:35:38,270
NARRATOR: But they stay
through the other's shadows,

605
00:35:38,337 --> 00:35:40,572
for it is not the
shadows they desire,

606
00:35:40,639 --> 00:35:42,140
but the companionship.

607
00:35:47,679 --> 00:35:49,715
And at the end of each night,

608
00:35:49,781 --> 00:35:53,352
they brush their lips against
the other's once more,

609
00:35:53,419 --> 00:35:55,254
and taste the other's tongue,

610
00:35:55,321 --> 00:35:58,324
growing closer to true mating.

611
00:35:58,390 --> 00:36:03,229
This time,
the female allows the male
to touch her bulbous chest

612
00:36:03,295 --> 00:36:05,197
which contains
the infant's milk.

613
00:36:11,937 --> 00:36:13,539
But no more.

614
00:36:17,108 --> 00:36:20,612
This time, she allows him
to taste of the infant's milk,

615
00:36:20,679 --> 00:36:23,615
checking for poisons
or impurities
on behalf of the child.

616
00:36:27,319 --> 00:36:28,787
But no more.

617
00:36:33,124 --> 00:36:36,061
The female must take
things in stages.

618
00:36:39,298 --> 00:36:44,770
It is her task to test
the male to find the level of
frustration he can endure.

619
00:36:44,836 --> 00:36:49,107
Male frustration being an
integral part of
the life together she calls

620
00:36:49,741 --> 00:36:51,076
"Marriage."

621
00:36:53,645 --> 00:36:55,914
The female is ready.

622
00:37:19,505 --> 00:37:23,174
The female removes all
vegetation from
the male's body.

623
00:37:26,745 --> 00:37:28,280
He, from hers.

624
00:37:40,025 --> 00:37:43,194
They lay upon one
another, their bodies tense,

625
00:37:43,862 --> 00:37:45,297
moistened.

626
00:37:46,532 --> 00:37:48,600
Unable to stand it any longer,

627
00:37:48,667 --> 00:37:51,903
the male reaches for a
thin, red square of tree bark.

628
00:37:54,573 --> 00:37:57,809
He bites into it and produces
its true fruit,

629
00:37:57,876 --> 00:38:01,513
a tubular form of
vulcanized vegetation.

630
00:38:01,580 --> 00:38:05,150
The male places the
tubular vegetation
upon his seed shooter.

631
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,056
Okay.

632
00:38:11,122 --> 00:38:13,359
NARRATOR: He mounts the
female.

633
00:38:28,139 --> 00:38:30,842
He uses friction to
release his seed.

634
00:38:37,449 --> 00:38:40,719
The mating ritual
of the Humans of Nocturis
Five would end here.

635
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:43,689
But the Earthbound Human,

636
00:38:43,755 --> 00:38:46,358
like only
six other creatures in
the known universe,

637
00:38:46,425 --> 00:38:50,061
uses artificial means to
delay procreation.

638
00:38:50,128 --> 00:38:53,732
For the vulcanized vegetation
that the male
placed on his seed shooter

639
00:38:53,799 --> 00:38:58,069
will prevent his seed
from ever reaching
the female's egg.

640
00:38:58,136 --> 00:38:59,270
Like so.

641
00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:00,338
(GUNSHOT)

642
00:39:01,106 --> 00:39:02,140
(GRUNTING)

643
00:39:02,207 --> 00:39:04,476
(SCREAMING)

644
00:39:05,143 --> 00:39:06,144
(GRUNTING)

645
00:39:07,813 --> 00:39:10,348
(MOANING)

646
00:39:13,685 --> 00:39:17,022
Wow! I guess it's true.

647
00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:19,858
Nice guys really
do finish last.

648
00:39:19,925 --> 00:39:22,394
(LAUGHING)

649
00:39:22,461 --> 00:39:25,631
NARRATOR: The male arrives at
his playground, contented.

650
00:39:27,799 --> 00:39:30,101
A sense of well-being
surrounds him.

651
00:39:30,168 --> 00:39:32,704
(HONKING)

652
00:39:39,778 --> 00:39:41,980
NARRATOR: The female is
contented as well.

653
00:39:42,047 --> 00:39:44,015
(CLEARING THROAT)

654
00:39:44,082 --> 00:39:46,885
Jennifer, would you
terribly mind
doing a little work today?

655
00:39:46,952 --> 00:39:50,689
I'm sorry. But it's
just such a
beautiful day.

656
00:39:52,157 --> 00:39:53,158
(SIGHING)

657
00:39:57,228 --> 00:39:59,397
-What's going on?
-Nothing.

658
00:40:04,503 --> 00:40:05,904
NARRATOR: A gift from the
male.

659
00:40:05,971 --> 00:40:08,540
Oh! He didn't!

660
00:40:08,607 --> 00:40:10,876
NARRATOR: Raw vegetation for
the female to eat,

661
00:40:10,942 --> 00:40:13,512
so she may keep up her
strength for motherhood.

662
00:40:14,513 --> 00:40:16,314
He is so sweet.

663
00:40:16,381 --> 00:40:18,917
I just can't
believe how sweet he is.

664
00:40:18,984 --> 00:40:21,419
(SNIFFING)

665
00:40:21,487 --> 00:40:24,222
NARRATOR: The female plans to
eat the vegetation
at a later time.

666
00:40:25,256 --> 00:40:26,825
You slut.

667
00:40:26,892 --> 00:40:29,461
Jennifer, you've only been
seeing this man
for a month,

668
00:40:29,528 --> 00:40:31,262
and you give it
up just like that?

669
00:40:31,329 --> 00:40:33,364
Stay out of this.
You're embarrassing her.

670
00:40:33,431 --> 00:40:35,834
I just don't want her
to develop
a bad reputation.

671
00:40:35,901 --> 00:40:38,003
Who are you, her mother?
It's none of your business.

672
00:40:38,069 --> 00:40:40,772
NARRATOR: The females of the
pack discuss the
mating dance.

673
00:40:40,839 --> 00:40:45,143
They are happy for her,
for the propagation
of their species.

674
00:40:45,210 --> 00:40:49,080
Males of the pack sense the
progression of the
mating dance as well.

675
00:40:49,147 --> 00:40:50,281
-Fucked her?
-Fucked her.

676
00:40:50,348 --> 00:40:51,917
Cool.

677
00:40:51,983 --> 00:40:53,585
NARRATOR: The pack rejoices.

678
00:40:53,652 --> 00:40:54,953
-(MOANING)
-Yes!

679
00:40:55,020 --> 00:40:57,222
NARRATOR: Over time, the male
and the female

680
00:40:57,288 --> 00:40:59,658
continue to practice the
physicality of mating.

681
00:40:59,725 --> 00:41:01,893
-Oh!
-Yes!

682
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:03,562
(MOANING)

683
00:41:08,333 --> 00:41:12,838
NARRATOR: It is difficult for
them, causing them
pain and anguish.

684
00:41:12,904 --> 00:41:17,008
-God!
-Oh! God! Oh!

685
00:41:17,075 --> 00:41:19,545
NARRATOR: But for the good of
their species, they endure.

686
00:41:19,611 --> 00:41:20,912
(GUNSHOT)

687
00:41:20,979 --> 00:41:21,980
(SCREAMING)

688
00:41:24,716 --> 00:41:25,717
(GRUNTING)

689
00:41:27,152 --> 00:41:28,153
(MOANING)

690
00:41:28,219 --> 00:41:29,788
NARRATOR: And endure.

691
00:41:29,855 --> 00:41:31,189
(SCREAMING)

692
00:41:31,256 --> 00:41:32,257
(GRUNTING)

693
00:41:34,526 --> 00:41:36,027
NARRATOR: And endure.

694
00:41:55,547 --> 00:41:59,117
But still they feel they have
not perfected their craft.

695
00:42:02,888 --> 00:42:04,623
You get a better price if you
buy them in bulk.

696
00:42:06,057 --> 00:42:07,192
(MOUTHING) Okay.

697
00:42:10,195 --> 00:42:14,065
Like my cousin. She had this
big, old-fashioned wedding
with hundreds of people,

698
00:42:14,132 --> 00:42:17,603
lots of bridesmaids, a band,
ushers, flowers.

699
00:42:17,669 --> 00:42:19,337
I was only about ten,

700
00:42:19,404 --> 00:42:21,072
but always I always dreamed
of having
a wedding like that.

701
00:42:21,139 --> 00:42:23,609
Sounds great.
Hope I'm invited.

702
00:42:23,675 --> 00:42:25,376
-Ha ha.
-MAN: Jenny!

703
00:42:26,945 --> 00:42:28,714
Oh, God.

704
00:42:28,780 --> 00:42:30,582
Hey, Jenny, wait up.

705
00:42:30,649 --> 00:42:33,084
NARRATOR: Other males see the
female and want to mate with
her as well.

706
00:42:33,151 --> 00:42:34,653
-JENNY: Walk away.
-Who are these guys?

707
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:37,088
Hey, Jen. Hey.

708
00:42:38,289 --> 00:42:40,125
Hey, I've been meaning
to call you.

709
00:42:40,191 --> 00:42:43,729
Hi, Mike. Mike,
Tony, this is Billy.

710
00:42:43,795 --> 00:42:45,831
-How you doing?
-Shut up.

711
00:42:45,897 --> 00:42:47,766
You dumped me for this fag?

712
00:42:47,833 --> 00:42:49,835
No. I dumped you because
you're an asshole.

713
00:42:49,901 --> 00:42:51,402
I found this fag on my own.

714
00:42:51,469 --> 00:42:53,404
(CHUCKLING)
Don't you just love her?

715
00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:57,743
Look, a lot of time
has passed.

716
00:42:57,809 --> 00:43:00,111
I know I made some mistakes,
but can't we just
talk about it?

717
00:43:00,178 --> 00:43:02,648
No. I found somebody else now.

718
00:43:02,714 --> 00:43:05,350
Oh, come on, Jen.
Just give me a chance.

719
00:43:05,416 --> 00:43:06,718
Let go.

720
00:43:06,785 --> 00:43:08,119
Hey. Look, we don't
want any trouble.

721
00:43:08,186 --> 00:43:09,821
-Fag.
-Just come with me. Please.

722
00:43:09,888 --> 00:43:11,790
-Let go of me!
-Hey, calm down will you?

723
00:43:11,857 --> 00:43:13,591
JENNY: Let go of me!

724
00:43:13,659 --> 00:43:15,927
NARRATOR: The male must
protect his mate and
defend his territory.

725
00:43:15,994 --> 00:43:18,697
The male is overwhelmed
with an urge to attack.

726
00:43:18,764 --> 00:43:20,065
But he is frightened.

727
00:43:20,131 --> 00:43:21,700
There are more of them,
and they are bigger.

728
00:43:21,767 --> 00:43:23,601
JENNY: Let go of me!

729
00:43:23,669 --> 00:43:25,837
-Just relax, will you?
-Let go!

730
00:43:25,904 --> 00:43:27,806
NARRATOR: The male attacks.

731
00:43:29,007 --> 00:43:31,076
But he is no match for them.

732
00:43:31,142 --> 00:43:34,479
The mating ritual may come
to an end for him, after all.

733
00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:36,081
JENNY: Hey, Tony, catch.

734
00:43:43,655 --> 00:43:45,791
The female makes her choice.

735
00:43:53,531 --> 00:43:54,532
(EXHALING)

736
00:44:00,505 --> 00:44:02,640
He taught me a few things
when we dated.

737
00:44:09,414 --> 00:44:13,018
NARRATOR: They retreat
to the tranquility
of the male's sleeping hut.

738
00:44:15,253 --> 00:44:16,487
Thank you.

739
00:44:19,825 --> 00:44:22,761
I don't get it.
You're beautiful.

740
00:44:22,828 --> 00:44:26,965
You're smart.
You can beat the crap
out of people.

741
00:44:27,032 --> 00:44:29,701
You're the perfect woman.
What do you see in me?

742
00:44:30,702 --> 00:44:33,171
That you think I'm the
perfect woman.

743
00:44:33,238 --> 00:44:35,640
You knew
you were going to lose,
and you defended me anyway.

744
00:44:37,075 --> 00:44:38,209
You're incredible.

745
00:44:44,415 --> 00:44:45,951
(GRUNTING)

746
00:44:47,352 --> 00:44:49,487
I don't think I can.
It kind of hurts.

747
00:44:51,056 --> 00:44:52,858
You don't have to. I will.

748
00:44:57,495 --> 00:45:00,799
NARRATOR: The female attempts
to swallow the male's seed.

749
00:45:00,866 --> 00:45:04,402
For only through the sense of
taste can she know that
his seed is healthy

750
00:45:04,469 --> 00:45:06,471
and will produce
a strong child.

751
00:45:10,942 --> 00:45:13,278
Oh! God! Oh, God.

752
00:45:13,344 --> 00:45:17,482
NARRATOR: The male prays to
his deity to make his seed
strong and healthy.

753
00:45:18,216 --> 00:45:19,317
(GUNSHOT)

754
00:45:19,384 --> 00:45:20,385
(SCREAMING)

755
00:45:22,821 --> 00:45:24,956
-Where's the end?
-It's a blow job again.

756
00:45:25,023 --> 00:45:27,025
Oh man.

757
00:45:27,092 --> 00:45:28,559
It's a blow job again.

758
00:45:28,626 --> 00:45:30,428
Where are we supposed to go?

759
00:45:30,495 --> 00:45:32,964
-Oh, come on.
-Where's the end?

760
00:45:33,031 --> 00:45:34,699
-We have to go back.
-Come on.

761
00:45:34,766 --> 00:45:36,234
-Damn.
-What a waste.

762
00:45:40,906 --> 00:45:43,909
NARRATOR: His seed is strong.
He passes her test.

763
00:45:46,211 --> 00:45:48,713
Thanks. You're the best.

764
00:45:48,780 --> 00:45:51,249
Keep telling me that,
and one day
I might believe it.

765
00:45:51,316 --> 00:45:52,884
Oh, you should believe it now.

766
00:45:55,787 --> 00:45:57,255
(SIGHING)

767
00:45:57,322 --> 00:45:58,957
Are you ready to take this
relationship
to the next step?

768
00:45:59,858 --> 00:46:01,960
We just got to this step.

769
00:46:03,328 --> 00:46:05,230
I think you'll like it.

770
00:46:07,265 --> 00:46:11,269
Okay. Sure. If you think so.

771
00:46:11,336 --> 00:46:15,306
Yikes! An AIDS test?
You said I'd like this.

772
00:46:15,373 --> 00:46:17,442
You're the one who's
always complaining
that using a condom

773
00:46:17,508 --> 00:46:19,878
is like taking a shower
in a raincoat.

774
00:46:19,945 --> 00:46:23,048
This way, I'll have my
diaphragm and we won't have
to worry about anything.

775
00:46:23,114 --> 00:46:25,250
I wasn't worried
until we got here.

776
00:46:25,316 --> 00:46:27,752
It's just a precaution.

777
00:46:27,819 --> 00:46:30,621
Besides, you said
you haven't been with
that many women.

778
00:46:30,688 --> 00:46:32,423
Yeah, but they were
all sluts and
drug addicts.

779
00:46:33,491 --> 00:46:35,326
Don't look at me like that.

780
00:46:35,393 --> 00:46:37,195
Waterson, William.

781
00:46:37,262 --> 00:46:39,064
(SCOFFING)
I don't want to be dying.

782
00:46:39,130 --> 00:46:41,499
They say you start dying
the moment you're born.

783
00:46:41,566 --> 00:46:44,169
Well, I want to stay dying for
another seventy or
eighty years.

784
00:46:49,540 --> 00:46:51,843
NARRATOR: As true mating grows
ever nearer,

785
00:46:51,910 --> 00:46:56,047
the male seeks medical advice
from the large female.

786
00:46:56,114 --> 00:46:59,284
Instead,
she sticks him with needles
and sucks out his blood.

787
00:47:01,386 --> 00:47:03,321
What a bitch,
thinks the male.

788
00:47:04,589 --> 00:47:06,557
Not to be outdone
by her partner,

789
00:47:06,624 --> 00:47:09,794
the female puts herself
through the same ordeal.

790
00:47:09,861 --> 00:47:13,932
But she, too thinks
that the large female
is a big fat bitch.

791
00:47:15,934 --> 00:47:18,069
The male worries.

792
00:47:18,136 --> 00:47:21,272
If his blood is tainted,
he will not be able
to propagate his species.

793
00:47:21,339 --> 00:47:24,375
He takes it upon
himself to contact
the large female,

794
00:47:24,442 --> 00:47:26,644
making sure to keep his
concerns well hidden.

795
00:47:33,384 --> 00:47:35,786
The female shares
these concerns as well.

796
00:47:37,155 --> 00:47:40,291
She too decides to contact
the large female.

797
00:47:45,796 --> 00:47:46,797
(CLEARING THROAT)

798
00:47:47,966 --> 00:47:50,501
Hi. This is Jenny Smith.

799
00:47:50,568 --> 00:47:53,404
I'm calling for the results
of my HIV test.

800
00:47:57,675 --> 00:48:00,078
Thank you.
Thank you very much.

801
00:48:00,145 --> 00:48:01,947
You're so nice. Bye.

802
00:48:02,580 --> 00:48:03,614
Whoo!

803
00:48:03,681 --> 00:48:06,051
Oh, I see.

804
00:48:07,518 --> 00:48:08,653
Are you sure?

805
00:48:10,388 --> 00:48:12,890
All right. Thank you.

806
00:48:19,464 --> 00:48:22,400
NARRATOR: The male tells the
pack the horrific news.

807
00:48:22,467 --> 00:48:26,671
His blood is unclean,
he has learned.
He can mate no longer.

808
00:48:26,737 --> 00:48:29,674
No human cub will
ever carry his genes.

809
00:48:29,740 --> 00:48:31,042
What exactly did they say?

810
00:48:31,109 --> 00:48:33,278
Well, what's there to say?

811
00:48:33,344 --> 00:48:35,113
They got the results.
It's negative.

812
00:48:36,614 --> 00:48:38,516
-Negative?
-Negative.

813
00:48:38,583 --> 00:48:40,986
My whole life is one big
fat negative.

814
00:48:41,052 --> 00:48:42,753
(LAUGHING)

815
00:48:42,820 --> 00:48:45,156
Jimmy, come on,
that's not funny.

816
00:48:45,223 --> 00:48:48,459
You yutz. Billy,

817
00:48:48,526 --> 00:48:51,529
negative means
you don't have it.

818
00:48:51,596 --> 00:48:53,164
No, negative means...

819
00:48:54,932 --> 00:48:56,334
But are you sure?

820
00:48:56,401 --> 00:48:57,735
I'm pretty sure.

821
00:49:06,411 --> 00:49:08,546
NARRATOR: The dance moves
onward.

822
00:49:08,613 --> 00:49:11,016
The male sheds the
vulcanized vegetation

823
00:49:11,082 --> 00:49:14,552
as nature deems it
no longer necessary
for mating.

824
00:49:18,123 --> 00:49:22,060
The female prepares herself a
circular form of
vulcanized vegetation,

825
00:49:22,127 --> 00:49:24,695
proportionally fitted
to her cervix.

826
00:49:26,197 --> 00:49:28,599
She spreads cream on
it for added taste.

827
00:49:34,505 --> 00:49:37,342
This is still not mating.

828
00:49:37,408 --> 00:49:41,879
The cream in question contains
an active ingredient
known as spermicide,

829
00:49:41,946 --> 00:49:44,315
which preys on the chemical
make-up of semen,

830
00:49:44,382 --> 00:49:49,154
destroying it before it can
reach the Female's womb.

831
00:49:49,220 --> 00:49:53,858
A microscopic view
of the inner workings of
spermicide may look like this.

832
00:49:53,924 --> 00:49:55,093
(GUNSHOT)

833
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:56,361
(SCREAMING)

834
00:50:06,003 --> 00:50:07,438
(GUN FIRING)

835
00:50:13,678 --> 00:50:17,382
NARRATOR: Sperminator,
enemy to all semen.

836
00:50:17,448 --> 00:50:19,617
(MOANING)

837
00:50:26,624 --> 00:50:29,227
I love you.

838
00:50:29,294 --> 00:50:32,163
I know what you mean.
The hits just keep on coming.

839
00:50:34,932 --> 00:50:36,867
How come you can't say it?

840
00:50:36,934 --> 00:50:39,104
-Say what?
-I love you.

841
00:50:39,170 --> 00:50:41,906
Oh, come on.
I say it all the time.

842
00:50:41,972 --> 00:50:45,543
No. We've been together for
almost a year, and you
haven't said it once.

843
00:50:45,610 --> 00:50:47,745
Why not? I know you do.

844
00:50:49,380 --> 00:50:51,649
And that's the
important thing.

845
00:50:52,783 --> 00:50:54,652
-I love you.
-Mmm.

846
00:50:55,686 --> 00:50:57,655
You're the best.

847
00:50:57,722 --> 00:50:59,757
You'll say it. (CHUCKLING)

848
00:51:06,964 --> 00:51:09,434
-You going to be long?
-No, just another minute
or so.

849
00:51:09,500 --> 00:51:12,237
Hmm.
That could mean anything.

850
00:51:12,303 --> 00:51:15,506
You know, Jen, I feel pretty
comfortable with you.

851
00:51:15,573 --> 00:51:18,876
I think...are you ready to
take this relationship
to the next step?

852
00:51:20,311 --> 00:51:22,913
That's funny.
I was just thinking the
same thing.

853
00:51:22,980 --> 00:51:24,849
I've been wanting...

854
00:51:27,785 --> 00:51:31,322
NARRATOR: The male takes
the mating dance to
a higher, richer level.

855
00:51:32,790 --> 00:51:34,859
Got them.

856
00:51:34,925 --> 00:51:38,829
Third row on the floor,
Lakers-Bulls,
you-me, to-night.

857
00:51:40,298 --> 00:51:44,001
Sorry, man, I can't.
Me and Jenny
got a thing.

858
00:51:44,068 --> 00:51:45,836
No. No, no, no, no.

859
00:51:45,903 --> 00:51:47,605
You have the thing.

860
00:51:47,672 --> 00:51:49,474
-Don't go get whipped on
me, buddy.
-(LAUGHING)

861
00:51:49,540 --> 00:51:51,276
I'm not whipped, all right?

862
00:51:51,342 --> 00:51:53,211
It's just I'm supposed
to meet her parents
tonight, you know?

863
00:51:54,312 --> 00:51:56,414
Whipped.

864
00:51:56,481 --> 00:51:58,949
NARRATOR: The pack prepares
themselves for the
male's departure.

865
00:51:59,016 --> 00:52:02,253
He will soon leave them to
start his new life
with his mate.

866
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,189
Hey. I'm not whipped,
all right?

867
00:52:04,255 --> 00:52:06,724
I've been stalling for three
weeks on this thing
already,

868
00:52:06,791 --> 00:52:08,593
and it's important to her,
so I got to do it.

869
00:52:08,659 --> 00:52:11,329
You're whipped.
Good as married.
God help you.

870
00:52:11,396 --> 00:52:14,632
I'm not whipped.
I'm considerate.

871
00:52:14,699 --> 00:52:16,867
I've seen it a million times.

872
00:52:16,934 --> 00:52:18,603
Pussy, pussy whipped, whipped.

873
00:52:18,669 --> 00:52:20,705
I'm warning you, Jimmy.
I don't want to hear you
use that word again.

874
00:52:20,771 --> 00:52:23,774
Okay.
Which? Pussy or whipped,

875
00:52:23,841 --> 00:52:27,645
-because I...
-Oh, we're pushing now? Huh?

876
00:52:27,712 --> 00:52:30,881
NARRATOR: They embrace, sadly,
perhaps for the last time.

877
00:52:40,558 --> 00:52:43,561
The male meets
the female's parents.

878
00:52:43,628 --> 00:52:46,531
He is nervous.
Without parental approval,

879
00:52:46,597 --> 00:52:49,133
the female
may choose another mate.

880
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:51,636
-(LAUGHING)
-It's a little early in the
relationship for this.

881
00:52:51,702 --> 00:52:53,971
I told you not to worry.
Come on.

882
00:52:54,038 --> 00:52:55,973
What are you so worried about?
It's no big deal.

883
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:57,642
I just don't do parents well.

884
00:52:57,708 --> 00:53:00,010
Relax. They're good people.

885
00:53:00,077 --> 00:53:02,547
I'm sure they'll
feel the same way about you as
I do. Come on.

886
00:53:05,082 --> 00:53:07,318
Hi. We made it.

887
00:53:09,019 --> 00:53:10,288
Mom, Dad, this is Billy.

888
00:53:10,355 --> 00:53:11,822
Hi. Nice...

889
00:53:11,889 --> 00:53:14,024
Eddie, your sister's here.

890
00:53:14,091 --> 00:53:16,394
NARRATOR: Wanting everything
to go perfectly,

891
00:53:16,461 --> 00:53:21,366
the female assures the male
that her family is loving
and happy and normal.

892
00:53:21,432 --> 00:53:23,534
Humans call this a
"white lie."

893
00:53:24,235 --> 00:53:25,236
(SNIFFING)

894
00:53:26,471 --> 00:53:28,205
Why do I smell gun powder?

895
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,108
Oh.

896
00:53:31,175 --> 00:53:33,110
You must be Jenny's boyfriend.

897
00:53:33,711 --> 00:53:34,712
(CHUCKLING)

898
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,483
I got this in 'Nam.

899
00:53:38,549 --> 00:53:42,387
Killed myself so many gooks
with it, the Captain said
I could keep it.

900
00:53:42,453 --> 00:53:45,990
I bought this
at an auction in London,
England. It's an antique.

901
00:53:47,625 --> 00:53:49,794
I never fired it. Not once.

902
00:53:51,296 --> 00:53:53,864
I guess I'm kind of waiting
for a special occasion.

903
00:53:53,931 --> 00:53:55,800
You know why
I keep this around?

904
00:53:56,867 --> 00:53:58,303
It can't be traced.

905
00:54:07,177 --> 00:54:08,813
NARRATOR: The breaking of
bread.

906
00:54:08,879 --> 00:54:11,516
The female's family nourish
themselves in silence

907
00:54:11,582 --> 00:54:14,785
and stare at the male
because it scares him.

908
00:54:14,852 --> 00:54:16,086
Well,

909
00:54:17,288 --> 00:54:19,557
to be honest, these days

910
00:54:19,624 --> 00:54:21,792
it's you know, it's really
tough. I think we're lucky.

911
00:54:21,859 --> 00:54:24,562
It's very tough to find
somebody
you can make it with.

912
00:54:26,431 --> 00:54:28,566
I mean, somebody

913
00:54:28,633 --> 00:54:32,069
you can have a relationship
with, and have the
relationship make it.

914
00:54:36,006 --> 00:54:39,844
Mom, he has his own
accounting firm.
Isn't that great?

915
00:54:39,910 --> 00:54:41,245
Tell her about it.

916
00:54:41,312 --> 00:54:42,747
It's nothing.
It's really it's nothing.

917
00:54:44,549 --> 00:54:45,916
It's small.

918
00:54:47,618 --> 00:54:49,086
(LAUGHING)

919
00:54:49,153 --> 00:54:52,823
Isn't he cute, Mom?
Look at those
little cheeks.

920
00:54:52,890 --> 00:54:54,825
Stop.

921
00:54:54,892 --> 00:54:56,861
-Stop. Stop.
-Okay.

922
00:54:59,597 --> 00:55:03,868
NARRATOR: Another obstacle is
overcome. The mating
dance goes on.

923
00:55:03,934 --> 00:55:07,104
I love you.

924
00:55:07,705 --> 00:55:10,875
I love this.

925
00:55:12,276 --> 00:55:14,244
Bastard.

926
00:55:15,546 --> 00:55:18,015
Because it's manipulative.

927
00:55:18,082 --> 00:55:21,318
Nobody says I love you
unless they want
something from you.

928
00:55:21,386 --> 00:55:24,622
My parents used to pull
that crap on me all the time.

929
00:55:24,689 --> 00:55:26,557
"I love you.
I didn't mean to yell at you."

930
00:55:26,624 --> 00:55:28,559
"I love you.
Clean up the kitchen."

931
00:55:28,626 --> 00:55:30,928
"I love you. Don't rat us
out to child services."

932
00:55:30,995 --> 00:55:32,129
They never said that.

933
00:55:32,196 --> 00:55:33,798
But my point still stands.

934
00:55:33,864 --> 00:55:35,800
When do I get to meet them,
anyway?

935
00:55:35,866 --> 00:55:38,769
Who, my parents?
I don't think that's
such a good idea, Jenny.

936
00:55:38,836 --> 00:55:41,205
We've been together
for over a year.
Are you embarrassed of me?

937
00:55:41,271 --> 00:55:42,907
No. Them.

938
00:55:42,973 --> 00:55:45,576
Mom, Dad, this is Jenny.

939
00:55:45,643 --> 00:55:47,678
It is so nice to
meet you, Jenny.

940
00:55:47,745 --> 00:55:50,848
We've heard nothing but
wonderful things about you.

941
00:55:50,915 --> 00:55:52,983
Thank you.
The pleasure's mine.

942
00:55:53,050 --> 00:55:56,020
Can I offer you a drink?
We just opened a Chardonnay
that'll knock your bra off.

943
00:55:56,086 --> 00:55:57,888
-(LAUGHING)
-Mom!

944
00:55:57,955 --> 00:56:00,591
It's okay. Chardonnay sounds
wonderful, Mrs. Waterson.

945
00:56:00,658 --> 00:56:04,194
Please. Margo.
And this is Tom.

946
00:56:04,261 --> 00:56:05,663
Go. Help yourself.

947
00:56:07,097 --> 00:56:09,233
We'd serve it ourselves

948
00:56:09,299 --> 00:56:12,169
but the pouring is just
a little bit too much
temptation for us.

949
00:56:12,236 --> 00:56:13,604
We're in a program.

950
00:56:13,671 --> 00:56:14,905
Oh, God.

951
00:56:14,972 --> 00:56:17,542
Step eleven. (LAUGHING)

952
00:56:17,608 --> 00:56:19,309
-I'll get the wine.
-No, no, no. It's okay.

953
00:56:19,844 --> 00:56:21,345
I'll get it.

954
00:56:23,013 --> 00:56:25,516
What's wrong with you?
They're charming people.

955
00:56:26,884 --> 00:56:27,885
(CLEARS THROAT)

956
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:32,156
She's so nice.

957
00:56:32,222 --> 00:56:34,224
Yeah. Yeah, she is nice.

958
00:56:34,291 --> 00:56:36,326
She has beautiful eyes.

959
00:56:36,393 --> 00:56:38,429
-Thank you.
-So, did you fuck her?

960
00:56:38,496 --> 00:56:39,830
What the hell's the
matter with you?

961
00:56:39,897 --> 00:56:42,166
What? What did I say? I asked
if he fucked her.

962
00:56:42,232 --> 00:56:43,934
Well, of course he fucked her.
Wouldn't you
fuck her?

963
00:56:44,001 --> 00:56:45,636
Hell, I'd fuck her and
I'm not even into that.

964
00:56:45,703 --> 00:56:47,638
-Mom!
-What?

965
00:56:47,705 --> 00:56:49,273
I'm defending you.
Your father's the
one causing the trouble.

966
00:56:49,339 --> 00:56:51,241
I just wanted to know
if those were
real hooters or not.

967
00:56:51,308 --> 00:56:53,711
Well, of course they're real.
You can't buy
hooters like that.

968
00:56:53,778 --> 00:56:56,847
Okay. If you two continue
to embarrass me,
we're leaving.

969
00:56:56,914 --> 00:56:58,716
There's just no pleasing you.

970
00:56:58,783 --> 00:57:00,017
Come on.

971
00:57:06,824 --> 00:57:11,061
It's an honor to have you in
our home, Jennifer.

972
00:57:11,128 --> 00:57:14,398
NARRATOR: The male's parents
take an immediate liking
to their cub's mate

973
00:57:14,465 --> 00:57:16,601
and welcome her
into the pack.

974
00:57:16,667 --> 00:57:19,069
For the female,
it is like gaining a new

975
00:57:19,136 --> 00:57:21,438
father and mother,
in addition to her own.

976
00:57:21,506 --> 00:57:24,509
How happy she is.

977
00:57:24,575 --> 00:57:27,077
Her new father examines
her milky chest.

978
00:57:28,779 --> 00:57:31,649
He is pleased that his
grandchildren will
be well-fed.

979
00:57:33,350 --> 00:57:35,419
Another hurdle overcome.

980
00:57:35,486 --> 00:57:37,488
(MOANING)

981
00:57:37,555 --> 00:57:39,223
God! You are so pretty.

982
00:57:39,289 --> 00:57:41,759
You're so pretty, too.

983
00:57:41,826 --> 00:57:44,261
That's a horrible thing to
say to a guy.

984
00:57:44,328 --> 00:57:46,096
I'm handsome, I'm maybe cute.

985
00:57:47,164 --> 00:57:48,899
You're very, very pretty.

986
00:57:48,966 --> 00:57:51,969
Oh, yeah?
And what if I do this?

987
00:57:53,270 --> 00:57:54,772
(LAUGHING)

988
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:57,608
Yuck.

989
00:57:57,675 --> 00:57:59,644
I think we know who the pretty
one is in this relationship.

990
00:57:59,710 --> 00:58:01,846
Oh, yeah? What if I do this?

991
00:58:01,912 --> 00:58:04,114
(LAUGHING)

992
00:58:04,181 --> 00:58:06,684
Okay.
Then I would have to do this.

993
00:58:06,751 --> 00:58:08,586
(LAUGHING)

994
00:58:09,954 --> 00:58:12,122
Yeah?
Well, I'll have to do this.

995
00:58:12,189 --> 00:58:14,959
Oh, yeah?
Then I'll have to do this.

996
00:58:19,263 --> 00:58:20,731
That one's pretty good.

997
00:58:21,866 --> 00:58:23,333
It better be,
because it's real.

998
00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:26,571
-God! Oh, boy!
-Oh!

999
00:58:26,637 --> 00:58:28,606
(GUN FIRING)

1000
00:58:30,274 --> 00:58:32,376
NARRATOR: Sperminator,
protector of the uterus.

1001
00:58:36,146 --> 00:58:37,414
CO-WORKER: Bye, Jen.
Have a nice weekend.

1002
00:58:37,481 --> 00:58:38,616
You, too.

1003
00:58:45,923 --> 00:58:47,124
Here you go.

1004
00:58:47,191 --> 00:58:49,259
Thanks. Jenny,
it's Mr. Hatfield,
from Entertel.

1005
00:58:49,326 --> 00:58:51,996
Damn.
Can you just tell him I left

1006
00:58:52,062 --> 00:58:54,231
and the reports were faxed
to him about
five minutes ago?

1007
00:58:54,298 --> 00:58:56,601
Jenny, that is dishonest.

1008
00:58:56,667 --> 00:58:59,870
Please.
Me and Billy are going
to Monteledo in a half hour,

1009
00:58:59,937 --> 00:59:01,572
and I haven't even packed yet.

1010
00:59:01,639 --> 00:59:02,840
What's Monteledo?

1011
00:59:02,907 --> 00:59:06,410
It's in Central California,
an old hippie town.

1012
00:59:06,476 --> 00:59:09,213
Billy's friend has a house in
the woods and he lent it to us
for the weekend.

1013
00:59:10,581 --> 00:59:13,383
Please.

1014
00:59:13,450 --> 00:59:16,153
Mr. Hatfield?
I'm sorry, she just left.

1015
00:59:16,220 --> 00:59:18,422
But she wanted me to tell you
that she faxed your reports.

1016
00:59:21,959 --> 00:59:24,128
Yep. Everybody's left.

1017
00:59:26,263 --> 00:59:27,464
Is your wife still there?

1018
00:59:28,999 --> 00:59:31,001
NARRATOR: The male and female
go to the woods,

1019
00:59:31,068 --> 00:59:33,437
planning to mate
in their natural habitat.

1020
00:59:34,705 --> 00:59:36,073
The female is anxious.

1021
00:59:36,140 --> 00:59:38,208
She knows the burden
motherhood will bear.

1022
00:59:38,275 --> 00:59:42,179
Relax.
It's not like we've got to
be there at a specific time.

1023
00:59:42,246 --> 00:59:45,315
We said we'd leave by eight.
It's eight-thirty.
I just hate being late.

1024
00:59:45,382 --> 00:59:46,917
You're always late.

1025
00:59:46,984 --> 00:59:49,086
That doesn't mean
I like it.

1026
00:59:49,153 --> 00:59:52,022
Come on, Jen, relax. I mean,
we're going up there to
have a good time.

1027
00:59:52,089 --> 00:59:53,658
I know that.

1028
00:59:53,724 --> 00:59:55,926
So, don't put
any pressure on yourself,
you know?

1029
00:59:55,993 --> 00:59:57,728
If we're late,
we're late. So what?

1030
00:59:58,629 --> 00:59:59,730
(SIGHING)

1031
00:59:59,797 --> 01:00:01,699
I suppose you're right.

1032
01:00:05,335 --> 01:00:06,971
Well, that's it. I'm ready.

1033
01:00:07,037 --> 01:00:08,639
Great.

1034
01:00:08,706 --> 01:00:10,941
I feel like
I forgot something.

1035
01:00:11,008 --> 01:00:14,244
Oh! Don't worry.
Everyone feels like that
when they travel.

1036
01:00:14,311 --> 01:00:16,714
Yeah, but I really feel like I
forgot something.

1037
01:00:16,781 --> 01:00:18,783
Then we'll rough it.
That's what they
woods are for.

1038
01:00:18,849 --> 01:00:21,018
-Don't worry. It'll be fine.
-If you say so.

1039
01:00:21,085 --> 01:00:22,687
Trust me.

1040
01:00:23,788 --> 01:00:26,757
BILLY: How could you
forget your diaphragm?

1041
01:00:26,824 --> 01:00:30,227
I told you I forgot something.
You said it didn't matter.
You said we'd rough it.

1042
01:00:30,294 --> 01:00:32,429
You can't rough that...

1043
01:00:32,496 --> 01:00:35,766
NARRATOR: Ready to mate, the
male and female discuss the
virtues of parenthood.

1044
01:00:35,833 --> 01:00:37,001
You can always pull out.

1045
01:00:37,067 --> 01:00:38,703
Oh, that's a little too
rough for me, thanks.

1046
01:00:38,769 --> 01:00:40,437
Oh, so this is all my fault?

1047
01:00:40,504 --> 01:00:42,206
You're not even
willing to sacrifice?

1048
01:00:42,272 --> 01:00:44,541
I'd love to promise to but
I wouldn't
be able to.

1049
01:00:44,608 --> 01:00:46,610
Look at you. You're
the most beautiful
thing in the world,

1050
01:00:46,677 --> 01:00:49,646
and I'm just a stupid,
horny schmuck.
Let's be realistic.

1051
01:00:51,015 --> 01:00:52,983
Well, I guess that's that.

1052
01:00:54,785 --> 01:00:55,953
You want to play cards?

1053
01:00:58,155 --> 01:01:00,791
You know, there are other
ways to rough it.

1054
01:01:02,659 --> 01:01:03,794
How?

1055
01:01:08,465 --> 01:01:09,867
Brace yourself.

1056
01:01:28,152 --> 01:01:30,387
NARRATOR: As mating grows
ever nearer,

1057
01:01:30,454 --> 01:01:34,725
the male uses his tongue
to explore the female's womb,

1058
01:01:34,792 --> 01:01:36,861
clearing the passageway
of any debris

1059
01:01:36,927 --> 01:01:39,296
so that the infant will
have an easy voyage
into their world.

1060
01:01:40,430 --> 01:01:42,066
(JENNY MOANING)

1061
01:01:42,933 --> 01:01:44,501
Oh, God.

1062
01:01:44,568 --> 01:01:46,136
NARRATOR: It is painful for
her,

1063
01:01:46,203 --> 01:01:48,906
but for the good of their
child, she makes the
sacrifice.

1064
01:01:48,973 --> 01:01:50,540
So this is nature.

1065
01:01:51,508 --> 01:01:53,310
Oh, nature's good.

1066
01:02:02,019 --> 01:02:05,389
(JENNY MOANING)

1067
01:02:11,929 --> 01:02:15,232
JENNY: Yeah! Mmm.

1068
01:02:24,708 --> 01:02:27,044
NARRATOR: Young humans often
have difficulty discussing

1069
01:02:27,111 --> 01:02:29,146
the mating dance with
those more elderly.

1070
01:02:29,213 --> 01:02:30,547
Hi. Can I help you?

1071
01:02:30,614 --> 01:02:33,217
NARRATOR: Here, an embarrassed
male tries to secure from

1072
01:02:33,283 --> 01:02:37,855
the old wise woman a slice of
vulcanized vegetation to place
on his seed shooter.

1073
01:02:39,623 --> 01:02:42,126
Do you do you have any, um...

1074
01:02:44,761 --> 01:02:48,532
You know, um, condoms?

1075
01:02:48,598 --> 01:02:51,235
Oh, sure.
We got ketchup, mustard.

1076
01:02:51,301 --> 01:02:54,171
My man Thor makes a mean
home-made marmalade.

1077
01:02:54,238 --> 01:02:57,942
No, no. Not condiments,
but condoms.

1078
01:02:58,008 --> 01:02:59,810
-Eh?
-Um.

1079
01:02:59,877 --> 01:03:00,878
Prophylactics.

1080
01:03:02,279 --> 01:03:03,981
Male birth control.

1081
01:03:06,450 --> 01:03:09,253
Oh, rubbers.
Why didn't you say so?

1082
01:03:09,319 --> 01:03:12,789
Of course we sell rubbers.
What do you think we are,
backwards?

1083
01:03:13,157 --> 01:03:14,892
Great.

1084
01:03:14,959 --> 01:03:17,862
Okay, that's three in a pack,
we're for another day.

1085
01:03:17,928 --> 01:03:19,696
-So, we'll take two packs.
-(CLEARS THROAT)

1086
01:03:19,763 --> 01:03:21,131
We'll take five packs.

1087
01:03:21,198 --> 01:03:22,566
Oh, I don't have
that many left.

1088
01:03:22,632 --> 01:03:24,134
Okay. We'll take
whatever you got.

1089
01:03:24,201 --> 01:03:28,538
That'd be none. Those rubbers
sell like hotcakes up here.

1090
01:03:28,605 --> 01:03:30,774
Do you have anything?

1091
01:03:30,841 --> 01:03:34,144
Diaphragm? Sponge?
The pill?

1092
01:03:34,211 --> 01:03:35,679
-They don't have that here.
-Well.

1093
01:03:35,745 --> 01:03:38,048
Funny thing about
that expression.

1094
01:03:38,115 --> 01:03:41,351
Hotcakes never sold near
as good as rubbers.

1095
01:03:41,418 --> 01:03:45,422
The expression should
be, "Sells like rubbers."

1096
01:03:45,489 --> 01:03:46,991
I mean,
who needs hotcakes?

1097
01:03:47,057 --> 01:03:48,425
Is there a store
anywhere nearby?

1098
01:03:48,492 --> 01:03:49,927
Nope.

1099
01:03:49,994 --> 01:03:55,265
Ever since the government
unleashed AIDS on
our unwitting society,

1100
01:03:55,332 --> 01:03:57,434
those rubbers have sold
like rubbers.

1101
01:03:57,501 --> 01:03:59,069
(CHUCKLING)

1102
01:03:59,136 --> 01:04:01,005
Well, thanks
a lot for your help,

1103
01:04:01,071 --> 01:04:03,273
and I guess
we'll see you soon.

1104
01:04:03,340 --> 01:04:05,409
Yeah. Real soon.

1105
01:04:05,475 --> 01:04:07,144
NARRATOR: Unbeknownst to the
male and female,

1106
01:04:07,211 --> 01:04:10,647
the old wise woman is really a
citizen of the planet Pierkov.

1107
01:04:13,984 --> 01:04:18,055
Who would've thought there's
not a store in the entire area
where you can buy a condom.

1108
01:04:18,122 --> 01:04:20,190
Well, this is nice, anyway.

1109
01:04:20,257 --> 01:04:21,758
Yeah, it is.

1110
01:04:23,693 --> 01:04:25,629
Kind of reminds me
of when we were first dating.

1111
01:04:25,695 --> 01:04:28,598
You know, just holding each
other, not really
being able to do anything.

1112
01:04:28,665 --> 01:04:31,568
Yeah. Only then we didn't know
what we were missing.

1113
01:04:32,702 --> 01:04:33,837
What are you saying?

1114
01:04:33,904 --> 01:04:35,973
-I can't stand it.
-Good answer.

1115
01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:38,042
-I should be okay.
-Yeah. I'll pull out.

1116
01:04:38,108 --> 01:04:39,676
It's a pretty safe time in my
cycle right now.

1117
01:04:39,743 --> 01:04:41,745
And I'll pull out.

1118
01:04:41,811 --> 01:04:43,247
Some people
never use anything at all
and nothing ever happens.

1119
01:04:43,313 --> 01:04:45,349
I'll pull out.

1120
01:04:45,415 --> 01:04:47,784
I thought you said you
couldn't do that. I thought
you said I'm too beautiful.

1121
01:04:47,851 --> 01:04:50,387
Yeah, but look at you. You're
not wearing any make-up.
Your hair's a mess.

1122
01:04:50,454 --> 01:04:51,688
You're a skank.

1123
01:04:51,755 --> 01:04:53,557
Oh, you sweet-talker, you.

1124
01:05:02,866 --> 01:05:04,901
NARRATOR: Now this is mating.

1125
01:05:09,306 --> 01:05:11,608
More than a year
after they have met,

1126
01:05:11,675 --> 01:05:14,278
a year of practice
and preparation,

1127
01:05:14,344 --> 01:05:18,148
countless other
humans guiding them
and keeping them on track,

1128
01:05:18,215 --> 01:05:20,985
reproduction is
ready to take place.

1129
01:05:25,555 --> 01:05:26,556
(GUNSHOT)

1130
01:06:14,004 --> 01:06:15,539
(CROWD CHEERING)

1131
01:06:16,206 --> 01:06:18,042
(GIGGLING)

1132
01:06:23,547 --> 01:06:24,848
NARRATOR: Conception!

1133
01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:34,891
I think we're all right.

1134
01:06:34,958 --> 01:06:36,326
Absolutely.

1135
01:06:39,296 --> 01:06:43,600
NARRATOR: But believe it or
not, the mating dance is
still not complete.

1136
01:06:43,667 --> 01:06:46,670
Conception is only
an important
stage for humans.

1137
01:06:46,736 --> 01:06:48,405
Much can still go wrong.

1138
01:06:48,472 --> 01:06:50,674
-JENNY: Whoo!
-(BILLY LAUGHING)

1139
01:06:50,740 --> 01:06:52,409
-BILLY: I think that's the
one.
-(JENNY LAUGHING)

1140
01:06:52,476 --> 01:06:54,778
(TIMER CLOCK TICKING)

1141
01:06:54,844 --> 01:06:58,415
It's nothing. All that clean
air in the woods just threw
off my cycle, that's all.

1142
01:06:58,482 --> 01:07:00,984
Then the test will show
negative. At least this
way you'll know.

1143
01:07:01,051 --> 01:07:02,186
I already know.

1144
01:07:02,252 --> 01:07:04,521
Then what are you
worried about?

1145
01:07:04,588 --> 01:07:06,856
You just shouldn't have bought
me the test.

1146
01:07:06,923 --> 01:07:08,825
That's right. Billy should've
bought you the test,

1147
01:07:08,892 --> 01:07:10,427
but you don't have
the guts to tell him.

1148
01:07:10,494 --> 01:07:12,229
There's nothing to tell him.

1149
01:07:12,296 --> 01:07:13,297
(TIMER CLOCK RINGS)

1150
01:07:17,467 --> 01:07:19,569
There's something to tell him.

1151
01:07:21,271 --> 01:07:22,306
(SIGHING)

1152
01:07:22,372 --> 01:07:23,673
I'm pregnant.

1153
01:07:25,609 --> 01:07:26,976
I'm going to be a mother.

1154
01:07:28,278 --> 01:07:29,813
(CHUCKLING)

1155
01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:31,648
I'm going to be a mother!

1156
01:07:40,390 --> 01:07:44,328
* The itsy
bitsy spider went up
the water spout

1157
01:07:44,394 --> 01:07:48,432
* Down came the rain and
and washed the spider out *

1158
01:07:48,498 --> 01:07:51,468
Morning, Mom. Hey,
what smells so good?

1159
01:07:51,535 --> 01:07:55,172
Your lunch, son. Tuna fish
on whole
wheat and fruit

1160
01:07:55,239 --> 01:07:57,241
so you'll grow up
healthy and strong.

1161
01:07:57,307 --> 01:07:58,775
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1162
01:07:58,842 --> 01:08:01,711
My favorite. I love you, Mom.

1163
01:08:01,778 --> 01:08:04,214
I love you, Billy junior.

1164
01:08:04,281 --> 01:08:07,717
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND CHEERING)

1165
01:08:07,784 --> 01:08:09,886
Hi, honey. I'm off to work.

1166
01:08:11,388 --> 01:08:13,590
-Have a nice day, sweetheart.
-Bye, Daddy.

1167
01:08:13,657 --> 01:08:14,924
And who do we have here?

1168
01:08:14,991 --> 01:08:16,726
I'm your child.

1169
01:08:16,793 --> 01:08:19,763
-No, I don't have a child.
-Yes, you do.

1170
01:08:19,829 --> 01:08:22,166
No, I pulled out. Remember?

1171
01:08:22,232 --> 01:08:23,900
Sorry, little
boy, but I pulled out.

1172
01:08:23,967 --> 01:08:25,068
-No, you didn't.
-Did.

1173
01:08:25,135 --> 01:08:26,170
-Didn't.
-Did.

1174
01:08:26,236 --> 01:08:27,304
-Didn't.
-Did.

1175
01:08:27,371 --> 01:08:28,805
-Didn't.
-Did.

1176
01:08:28,872 --> 01:08:31,040
-Billy, what are you saying?
-Did.

1177
01:08:31,575 --> 01:08:32,742
Billy.

1178
01:08:33,877 --> 01:08:36,346
Look, I refuse to accept this.

1179
01:08:36,413 --> 01:08:39,516
Well, you're going
to have to accept it
because it's true.

1180
01:08:39,583 --> 01:08:43,387
No. I will never accept it.
Never!

1181
01:08:43,453 --> 01:08:45,522
(LAUGHING DIABOLICALLY)

1182
01:08:53,930 --> 01:08:56,065
I'm going to be a mother.

1183
01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:59,469
NARRATOR: The female is
thrilled by the
prospect of her motherhood.

1184
01:08:59,536 --> 01:09:01,070
You'll be okay.

1185
01:09:04,441 --> 01:09:05,475
(SIGHING)

1186
01:09:05,542 --> 01:09:07,577
What am I going to do?

1187
01:09:07,644 --> 01:09:09,346
How am I going to tell Billy?

1188
01:09:11,548 --> 01:09:13,417
Billy, we're pregnant.

1189
01:09:15,285 --> 01:09:16,753
I'm pregnant.

1190
01:09:18,488 --> 01:09:20,056
Remember when you said
you'd pull out?

1191
01:09:21,258 --> 01:09:23,193
You bastard!

1192
01:09:25,429 --> 01:09:29,165
Listen, you're not alone.
We're totally going
to be here for you.

1193
01:09:29,233 --> 01:09:30,534
It's going to be fine.

1194
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:32,402
NARRATOR: Nervous about
the male's reaction,

1195
01:09:32,469 --> 01:09:34,938
the female tries to mate
with her own pack,

1196
01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:36,806
but that's a whole
other movie.

1197
01:09:38,041 --> 01:09:40,877
The female conveys
the good news.

1198
01:09:40,944 --> 01:09:42,946
Their efforts have
proven fruitful.

1199
01:09:43,012 --> 01:09:44,281
I'm pregnant.

1200
01:09:49,853 --> 01:09:51,120
Whoa.

1201
01:09:55,091 --> 01:09:57,227
Whoa.

1202
01:09:57,294 --> 01:09:59,696
NARRATOR: The human male now
does a peculiar thing,

1203
01:09:59,763 --> 01:10:02,432
indigenous to those
of his species.

1204
01:10:02,499 --> 01:10:04,468
After months of mating,

1205
01:10:04,534 --> 01:10:08,104
he determines
that he is not interested
in the dance he has danced.

1206
01:10:08,171 --> 01:10:10,440
He has not mated.
He never met her.

1207
01:10:10,507 --> 01:10:11,808
What's her name?

1208
01:10:13,009 --> 01:10:14,511
Say something.

1209
01:10:18,648 --> 01:10:20,250
Oh. It is mine, isn't it?

1210
01:10:21,251 --> 01:10:22,552
Say something better!

1211
01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:25,855
Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
That was wrong.

1212
01:10:25,922 --> 01:10:27,424
Of course it's mine.

1213
01:10:29,959 --> 01:10:31,127
Whoa.

1214
01:10:33,297 --> 01:10:36,866
Okay. Okay.
I got to stay strong here.

1215
01:10:36,933 --> 01:10:39,202
I got to do the
honorable thing.

1216
01:10:43,373 --> 01:10:46,376
I'm going to
do the honorable thing.

1217
01:10:46,443 --> 01:10:49,078
"I'm going to do the
honorable thing?"

1218
01:10:49,145 --> 01:10:51,781
What is that, some kind
of pity proposal?

1219
01:10:51,848 --> 01:10:54,784
I've waited my whole life for
a man to ask me to marry him.

1220
01:10:54,851 --> 01:10:58,154
But I sure as hell don't need
your pity proposal.

1221
01:10:58,221 --> 01:11:00,557
By "honorable thing" I means
that I was going to pay
for the abortion.

1222
01:11:00,624 --> 01:11:02,058
What?

1223
01:11:02,125 --> 01:11:04,227
But if you don't want my pity
proposal, I understand.

1224
01:11:05,362 --> 01:11:06,930
I don't believe you.

1225
01:11:06,996 --> 01:11:08,465
What do you want me to do?

1226
01:11:08,532 --> 01:11:11,868
I don't know. I just wanted
you to be happy about this.

1227
01:11:11,935 --> 01:11:13,737
I wanted you to...

1228
01:11:15,439 --> 01:11:16,873
Forget it.

1229
01:11:18,408 --> 01:11:21,010
So you do want me to propose.

1230
01:11:21,077 --> 01:11:25,815
Pussy, pussy, whipped,
whipped. Pussy pussy
whipped whipped.

1231
01:11:25,882 --> 01:11:27,617
NARRATOR: The male is trapped.

1232
01:11:27,684 --> 01:11:30,587
Well, you planned this thing
real well, Jen. Real well.

1233
01:11:31,788 --> 01:11:34,090
What? I didn't plan anything.

1234
01:11:34,157 --> 01:11:35,992
No? You've been calling
the shots from the beginning.

1235
01:11:36,059 --> 01:11:37,927
"Let's get an AIDS test."
"Let's go meet my parents."

1236
01:11:37,994 --> 01:11:41,765
NARRATOR: They embark upon the
uniquely human characteristic
of saying things they will

1237
01:11:41,831 --> 01:11:46,102
later regret, one of the more
dangerous steps of the
mating dance.

1238
01:11:46,169 --> 01:11:48,271
You asshole.

1239
01:11:48,338 --> 01:11:49,673
God, I thought you
were a nice guy.

1240
01:11:49,739 --> 01:11:52,208
Come on, Jen, deny it. Look me
in the eye and tell me

1241
01:11:52,275 --> 01:11:55,345
this wasn't some part
of a grand scheme to trap me.

1242
01:11:55,412 --> 01:11:57,447
-In the eye?
-In the eye.

1243
01:11:57,514 --> 01:11:58,982
Get out of my home.

1244
01:11:59,048 --> 01:12:00,884
Yeah. That's what I thought.

1245
01:12:02,986 --> 01:12:04,621
-(DOOR CLOSING)
-(YELLING)

1246
01:12:07,824 --> 01:12:09,125
BILLY: You got to be
exactly...

1247
01:12:09,192 --> 01:12:11,395
NARRATOR: The male retreats to
the comfort of the pack.

1248
01:12:11,461 --> 01:12:16,433
Only with his own kind,
he knows, can he be safe
and healthy and strong.

1249
01:12:16,500 --> 01:12:19,335
BILLY: It's like, I don't even
have a choice anymore.

1250
01:12:19,403 --> 01:12:22,005
It's got to be her way
of the highway.

1251
01:12:23,339 --> 01:12:25,041
Well, I don't take
to ultimatums.

1252
01:12:25,108 --> 01:12:26,776
Mmm-hmm. No man does.

1253
01:12:28,845 --> 01:12:30,914
And I'm sure as hell not ready
to get married.

1254
01:12:30,980 --> 01:12:32,849
-No man is.
-No man.

1255
01:12:32,916 --> 01:12:35,985
NARRATOR: They force him
to consume large amounts
of fermented grain

1256
01:12:36,052 --> 01:12:37,721
in an attempt to kill him.

1257
01:12:37,787 --> 01:12:41,024
Unwilling to mate, he is
no longer of any use to their
species.

1258
01:12:41,090 --> 01:12:42,459
BILLY: Since it ended,

1259
01:12:42,526 --> 01:12:46,930
I got this feeling in my
stomach like an empty pit.

1260
01:12:46,996 --> 01:12:51,901
Like I don't
even know I don't even know
how to live anymore.

1261
01:12:53,637 --> 01:12:54,638
Yeah, I know. I know.

1262
01:12:55,805 --> 01:12:57,173
Here, drink up.

1263
01:12:57,974 --> 01:13:01,377
(GAGGING)

1264
01:13:01,445 --> 01:13:03,947
NARRATOR: The male tries to
validate his existence

1265
01:13:04,013 --> 01:13:06,783
and prove he doesn't need
a female to mate.

1266
01:13:06,850 --> 01:13:09,352
He attempts to devolve into
a hermaphrodite

1267
01:13:09,419 --> 01:13:11,154
and give birth to offspring
on his own.

1268
01:13:14,190 --> 01:13:16,292
(GRUNTING)

1269
01:13:16,359 --> 01:13:18,895
NARRATOR: For the male,
this will prove
ultimately unfulfilling.

1270
01:13:18,962 --> 01:13:22,165
Although genetically equipped
to deliver the placenta,

1271
01:13:22,231 --> 01:13:24,434
he is unable
to produce the infant itself.

1272
01:13:26,636 --> 01:13:30,073
The female retreats
to the comfort of
her pack as well.

1273
01:13:30,139 --> 01:13:31,941
Now expectant mother,

1274
01:13:32,008 --> 01:13:35,378
it is within her power alone
to erase the past year

1275
01:13:35,445 --> 01:13:39,182
or allow the mating
dance to come to fruition.

1276
01:13:39,248 --> 01:13:42,986
I mean, there is no way I'll
bring that asshole's
baby into this world.

1277
01:13:44,854 --> 01:13:48,124
Listen, if you want
to do this, we'll back you up.

1278
01:13:48,191 --> 01:13:51,260
We'll take you
there but don't do this
because of him.

1279
01:13:51,327 --> 01:13:52,962
Do it because it's
what you want.

1280
01:13:53,963 --> 01:13:56,099
But I don't know what I want.

1281
01:13:56,165 --> 01:13:58,535
I definitely don't want
another one of him
running around.

1282
01:13:59,402 --> 01:14:00,870
So what time?

1283
01:14:02,271 --> 01:14:05,074
No. I've got to do
this myself.

1284
01:14:06,175 --> 01:14:07,310
Oh, honey.

1285
01:14:07,376 --> 01:14:09,378
NARRATOR: The dance ends.

1286
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:14,083
It is as if the male
and the female
never crossed tracks.

1287
01:14:14,150 --> 01:14:18,354
Appreciating the male's futile
attempt to devolve
into a hermaphrodite,

1288
01:14:18,421 --> 01:14:23,059
the pack welcomes him back in
with support and sympathy
over his loss.

1289
01:14:23,126 --> 01:14:26,329
You did the right thing.
I mean, she...

1290
01:14:26,395 --> 01:14:28,632
She was playing you
for a sucker the whole time.

1291
01:14:28,698 --> 01:14:30,433
-I don't know.
-Come on, man.

1292
01:14:30,500 --> 01:14:32,168
You saw the guy
she went out with.

1293
01:14:32,235 --> 01:14:33,469
What would she
want with you?

1294
01:14:33,537 --> 01:14:34,771
Other than the fact

1295
01:14:34,838 --> 01:14:36,439
that you're the only one
who would stick around

1296
01:14:36,506 --> 01:14:39,175
after her biological alarm
clock buzzed.

1297
01:14:39,242 --> 01:14:40,810
Now the joke's on her.

1298
01:14:41,545 --> 01:14:43,479
I suppose.

1299
01:14:43,547 --> 01:14:48,852
I mean, I knew she
was out of my league from the
moment I first saw her.

1300
01:14:48,918 --> 01:14:50,419
-She's beautiful.
-Exactly.

1301
01:14:51,588 --> 01:14:53,356
-And smart.
-Right.

1302
01:14:54,323 --> 01:14:56,926
Kind, caring,

1303
01:14:58,361 --> 01:15:01,531
supportive, successful.

1304
01:15:01,598 --> 01:15:02,799
My point is made.

1305
01:15:04,100 --> 01:15:06,435
And I love her.

1306
01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:08,271
Maybe you didn't get my point
after all.

1307
01:15:08,337 --> 01:15:10,774
BILLY: What am I, crazy? She's
like the greatest thing that
ever happened to me.

1308
01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:12,208
She's the greatest
thing that ever will
happen to me.

1309
01:15:12,275 --> 01:15:14,043
I've got to talk to her.

1310
01:15:14,110 --> 01:15:16,079
I'm going to beg her
into taking me back.
Whatever it takes.

1311
01:15:16,145 --> 01:15:18,582
Just don't let her talk you
into getting married,
all right?

1312
01:15:18,648 --> 01:15:20,850
Oh, no. I'm not going to let
her talk me into
getting married.

1313
01:15:20,917 --> 01:15:22,619
-All right? Good.
-I'm going to talk her
into marrying me.

1314
01:15:22,686 --> 01:15:24,888
Don't be stupid.
You're falling for it, man.

1315
01:15:25,789 --> 01:15:27,156
I fell a long time ago.

1316
01:15:27,223 --> 01:15:29,826
I was just too
stupid to realize it.

1317
01:15:29,893 --> 01:15:31,728
-I'm out of here.
-Oh, now, just...

1318
01:15:31,795 --> 01:15:33,262
Hear me out first, all right?

1319
01:15:38,267 --> 01:15:40,269
Congratulations man.

1320
01:15:40,336 --> 01:15:42,772
The two of you
make a wonderful couple.

1321
01:15:42,839 --> 01:15:44,273
I thought you were against it.

1322
01:15:44,340 --> 01:15:47,210
No, no, no. I'm your friend.
Whatever you want, I want.

1323
01:15:47,276 --> 01:15:48,912
Thanks, man.

1324
01:15:48,978 --> 01:15:51,748
You'll make a great daddy.
Now go.

1325
01:16:07,864 --> 01:16:08,965
What do you want, asshole?

1326
01:16:09,032 --> 01:16:10,133
Where's Jenny?

1327
01:16:10,199 --> 01:16:11,635
Well, that's none of
your business, prick.

1328
01:16:11,701 --> 01:16:13,069
Look, I got to talk to her.

1329
01:16:13,136 --> 01:16:16,505
Well, she's not talking
to you, dickwad.

1330
01:16:16,572 --> 01:16:18,875
Fine. Then I'll wait here
until she gets back.

1331
01:16:18,942 --> 01:16:20,744
Fine.
She'll be back in a week.

1332
01:16:20,810 --> 01:16:23,079
Lock up at the end of the
night scumbag.

1333
01:16:30,019 --> 01:16:32,021
What is your problem?

1334
01:16:32,088 --> 01:16:34,924
I checked home, she's not
home. I check here,
she's not here.

1335
01:16:34,991 --> 01:16:37,226
I screwed up.
I want to fix things.

1336
01:16:37,293 --> 01:16:38,662
I suppose you want to marry
her now, huh?

1337
01:16:38,728 --> 01:16:40,830
You freakazoid!

1338
01:16:40,897 --> 01:16:44,200
Yes. I want you to be the
fucking maid of honor because
of your warmth and charm.

1339
01:16:45,802 --> 01:16:47,336
You really want to marry her?

1340
01:16:47,403 --> 01:16:48,972
Go away.

1341
01:16:49,939 --> 01:16:51,240
Really, really?

1342
01:16:51,307 --> 01:16:52,541
Leave me alone.

1343
01:16:54,577 --> 01:16:58,247
Oh, God. Oh, God, this is one
of those crisis moments.

1344
01:16:58,314 --> 01:17:00,216
What would Jenny
want me to do?

1345
01:17:06,155 --> 01:17:08,291
Okay, I'm going to tell
you where she is.

1346
01:17:08,357 --> 01:17:11,928
But if you go there and she
gets upset you have to tell
her you just guessed, okay?

1347
01:17:11,995 --> 01:17:15,364
But if you're there and she's
happy to see you, you
can tell her it was me.

1348
01:17:15,431 --> 01:17:17,801
Hey, I'll even tell her I like
you if you tell me
where she is.

1349
01:17:17,867 --> 01:17:21,470
Okay. Well,
she really hated your guts
because you were a prick...

1350
01:17:21,537 --> 01:17:25,909
NARRATOR: Like so many others
before her, this female joins
the mating dance

1351
01:17:25,975 --> 01:17:28,511
and helps the male arrive
at its completion.

1352
01:17:28,577 --> 01:17:30,246
Oh, my God.

1353
01:17:30,313 --> 01:17:33,149
(TIRES SQUEALING)

1354
01:17:44,193 --> 01:17:48,832
Move it! Come on!
Let's go, lady, let's go. God.

1355
01:17:52,902 --> 01:17:54,070
What?

1356
01:17:58,174 --> 01:17:59,175
(HORN HONKING)

1357
01:18:36,780 --> 01:18:39,482
Hello. Hello.

1358
01:18:39,548 --> 01:18:41,150
I need to see
Jenny Smith right away.

1359
01:18:41,217 --> 01:18:42,819
I'm sorry, sir. You can't
go in there...

1360
01:18:42,886 --> 01:18:44,220
No, it doesn't matter. I...

1361
01:18:44,287 --> 01:18:47,056
NARRATOR: The large female
tells the Male he is too late.

1362
01:18:47,123 --> 01:18:50,960
The past has been erased.
The mating dance
did not take place.

1363
01:19:12,315 --> 01:19:15,484
There are no human sounds
to express the sadness

1364
01:19:15,551 --> 01:19:19,388
felt by the entire species
on the verge of extinction.

1365
01:19:19,455 --> 01:19:22,025
(HOWLING)

1366
01:19:25,094 --> 01:19:26,963
-Thank you.
-Jenny.

1367
01:19:27,030 --> 01:19:28,631
What are you doing here?

1368
01:19:29,365 --> 01:19:30,699
Never mind that.

1369
01:19:37,373 --> 01:19:40,944
Look, I'm sorry I forced
you here.

1370
01:19:41,010 --> 01:19:45,181
I'm sorry I wasn't with you.
I'm sorry about
everything that I said.

1371
01:19:45,248 --> 01:19:47,750
But I want you in my life,

1372
01:19:47,817 --> 01:19:51,020
with or without a child.
I want you in my life for
the rest of my life,

1373
01:19:52,221 --> 01:19:53,222
I...

1374
01:19:55,691 --> 01:19:59,728
I...you know. I need you,

1375
01:20:01,030 --> 01:20:02,031
I love you.

1376
01:20:03,699 --> 01:20:07,036
I love you. I love you
more than anything.

1377
01:20:08,504 --> 01:20:10,840
We'll make another
kid if you want.

1378
01:20:10,907 --> 01:20:14,010
Not that that will make up
for it, and if you don't want
to, then you don't have to.

1379
01:20:14,077 --> 01:20:16,779
I mean, it's up to you.
Whatever you want.

1380
01:20:16,846 --> 01:20:19,315
And we can start
planning that big wedding
you always wanted.

1381
01:20:20,216 --> 01:20:21,517
Just say that you'll marry me.

1382
01:20:25,254 --> 01:20:27,290
I couldn't go through with it.

1383
01:20:27,356 --> 01:20:29,458
But the nurse said that
you were already...

1384
01:20:29,525 --> 01:20:32,862
At the last minute I figured
that you'd been great
for this whole year.

1385
01:20:32,929 --> 01:20:35,598
You only messed up once.

1386
01:20:35,664 --> 01:20:37,233
I do want another one of
you in this world.

1387
01:20:38,968 --> 01:20:41,670
Especially if it's got
a little bit of me
mixed in it.

1388
01:20:44,640 --> 01:20:46,342
Still want to get married?

1389
01:20:49,178 --> 01:20:51,347
Okay. You?

1390
01:20:54,083 --> 01:20:55,184
Okay.

1391
01:21:09,332 --> 01:21:10,333
(BELL TOLLING)

1392
01:21:10,399 --> 01:21:12,101
NARRATOR: As a final symbol,

1393
01:21:12,168 --> 01:21:15,871
the Male and Female
cement the completion
of the mating ritual.

1394
01:21:15,939 --> 01:21:18,141
Gathering together
the entire pack,

1395
01:21:18,207 --> 01:21:20,476
the male and female
must first bore

1396
01:21:20,543 --> 01:21:24,080
then feed all who participated
in the great dance.

1397
01:21:24,147 --> 01:21:27,616
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)

1398
01:22:20,069 --> 01:22:25,074
NARRATOR: A human male speaks
of the couple's undying
for one another.

1399
01:22:25,141 --> 01:22:28,344
No one knows this person,
but they pay him
well for his thoughts.

1400
01:22:30,646 --> 01:22:33,782
The pack rejoices at
the male and female's
good fortune,

1401
01:22:33,849 --> 01:22:35,718
and at their own good fortune,

1402
01:22:35,784 --> 01:22:37,620
for the species has
been propagated.

1403
01:22:37,686 --> 01:22:39,722
Humanity will live on.

1404
01:22:39,788 --> 01:22:41,657
(CRYING)

1405
01:22:41,724 --> 01:22:44,393
NARRATOR: And as a testimony
of their affection for
one another,

1406
01:22:44,460 --> 01:22:48,064
the Male and Female make
promises they don't know
if they can keep.

1407
01:22:48,131 --> 01:22:51,134
-I do.
-I do.

1408
01:22:51,200 --> 01:22:54,537
NARRATOR: They make speeches
that sound like sweet roses
in bloom,

1409
01:22:54,603 --> 01:22:57,773
before they die and get all
crinkly and yucky.

1410
01:22:57,840 --> 01:23:00,609
I don't know why
you've chosen me.

1411
01:23:00,676 --> 01:23:03,079
I only know that I will spend
the remainder of my days

1412
01:23:03,146 --> 01:23:05,714
trying to prove my worthiness.

1413
01:23:05,781 --> 01:23:09,318
Even though no one
could ever be
truly worthy of you.

1414
01:23:09,385 --> 01:23:13,122
I will love you, cherish you,
and nurture you.

1415
01:23:14,423 --> 01:23:19,462
For without you,
my life is empty
and my soul is barren.

1416
01:23:19,528 --> 01:23:23,899
I will stay with you and keep
you with me for all eternity.

1417
01:23:25,068 --> 01:23:28,604
Forever and ever and...

1418
01:23:29,138 --> 01:23:30,206
Uh oh.

1419
01:23:30,273 --> 01:23:32,675
Get away from me,
you bastard!

1420
01:23:33,876 --> 01:23:37,012
I'll pull out, my ass!
Fuck you!

1421
01:23:37,646 --> 01:23:38,981
Fucking prick!

1422
01:23:39,048 --> 01:23:41,250
NARRATOR: And at long last,

1423
01:23:41,317 --> 01:23:44,953
the female experiences
the joy and pleasure of birth.

1424
01:23:45,020 --> 01:23:46,355
Oh, God!

1425
01:23:46,422 --> 01:23:49,125
It is a euphoric
experience for her.

1426
01:23:49,192 --> 01:23:51,527
Having had to suffer the
pain of orgasm,

1427
01:23:51,594 --> 01:23:54,630
she is now entitled to reap
nature's reward.

1428
01:23:54,697 --> 01:23:56,399
Fucking piece of shit.

1429
01:23:56,465 --> 01:24:00,536
NARRATOR: It is a state of
ecstasy the male will
never enjoy.

1430
01:24:00,603 --> 01:24:02,671
Breathe, honey, just breathe.

1431
01:24:02,738 --> 01:24:04,707
The female attempts to
describe her euphoria
to her true love.

1432
01:24:04,773 --> 01:24:07,976
No. You breathe, motherfucker!

1433
01:24:08,043 --> 01:24:10,846
Honey, breathe! Just keep
breathing. All you got
to do is breathe.

1434
01:24:10,913 --> 01:24:12,148
Fuck you.

1435
01:24:12,215 --> 01:24:14,250
(WAILING)

1436
01:24:14,317 --> 01:24:17,453
NARRATOR: The mating habits of
the earthbound human.

1437
01:24:17,520 --> 01:24:20,689
From meeting in a bar to
conceiving on a floor,

1438
01:24:20,756 --> 01:24:22,991
to proposing in
an abortion clinic,

1439
01:24:23,058 --> 01:24:26,329
so it goes with all
earthbound humans.

1440
01:24:26,395 --> 01:24:29,398
With a mating ritual so
complex and intricate

1441
01:24:29,465 --> 01:24:32,101
that their mere survival
defies all logic.

1442
01:24:32,168 --> 01:24:37,140
One can only feel for
them a sense of
respect and admiration.

1443
01:24:37,206 --> 01:24:41,544
So let's not blow up
their planet after all.

1444
01:24:41,610 --> 01:24:44,247
They don't like the looks of
the child so they beat it.

1445
01:24:44,313 --> 01:24:45,714
(BABY CRYING)

1446
01:24:45,781 --> 01:24:47,082
NARRATOR: Thank you.

1447
01:24:48,984 --> 01:24:53,021
Please turn off your universal
translator and mate
according to your own custom.